I'm officially done with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Officially over and done with it. Let's do this quick and dirty and rundown who was a bitch, who was the bigger bitch, and who turned me into a raving lunatic bitch about attack gladiator style. You know her name is Kim "The Rambling Rose" Richards!
Even Lisa Vanderpump was annoying me because she kept stooping to certain people's levels and getting bitchy and bickery with them. I want Lisa to be the bigger person and I'm sure this season has gotten to her and all the nonsense as taken its toll, but hopefully she hasn't gotten too big for her britches as the fan favorite. I don't want to start hating her next season. Just stay away from those Bitchards – they bring out the worst in everyone!
Things resume with the Richards sisters launching some sort of verbal bouncy-seat, finger pointing, hair swishing assault on the eternally composed Yolanda Foster. Good lord when those two start swinging their hair like Sweet Valley High rejects I secretly hope they lasso each other and end up in a spinning tornado floating off into space. I'm not sure why the powers that be at Bravo haven't made this happen. The ratings would be huge.
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Anyway, all the hot air is deflated from their impassioned insistence that Yolanda like trash talked Lisa something Richards-esque when Lisa pointblank said she didn't trust Splits Richards because the only person who has visibly talked crap about her is wearing a hunter green velvet Christmas Pageant dress in the middle of spring. And Kyle's lips did that press and mold thing where her lipgloss gets all gooey and she just doesn't say a word except, 'Ugh!'
And then Lisa labels Brandi Glanville and Yolanda as like family and says she completely believes Yolanda is telling the truth about Paris. And why? Because Kim was apparently so out of it Yolanda had to haul her s#*! stained pillow through Charles de Gaulle while Kim rambled and ranted and screeched about Kyle. Yes, Brandi announced Kim had a poopstained pillow, a fact confirmed by scent, and this was revealed at the RHOBH reunion. Funny, I was under the impression Skidmarks Maloof had skipped the trip!
Speaking of Maloofy, all the rumors surrounding her marriage and whether or not Paul Nassif abused her was broken down, along with Chef Bernie's accusations and everyone agrees wholeheartedly that Adrienne is full of ish and some of it rubs off on things and those around her. Case in point: Lisa's poor maligned sofas.
Lisa revealed that she knew Paul and Adrienne were having problems for many years and Adrienne had admitted Paul moved out a couple times. I didn't really feel it was appropriate for Lisa to share that and it seemed catty. Don't lose your luster Lis!
Even Kyle, who may or may not be friends with Adrienne depending on who you ask, is 100% confident Paul did not abuse anyone. Later we learn his nephew is working for Maurice "O Optional" Umansky, so who knows what to think.
Also Kim called Brandi a "naughty girl" and pointed her finger at her bad porno teacher style and Brandi almost burst out laughing. I did burst out laughing. I'm sorry, Kim is just not ready for this show and needs to stop. Go to Promises and stay there for about 6 years, then we'll talk. I'm feeling mean today cause those Bitchards are grating on my nerves.
Kim and Kyle argue with each other about Kim's sobriety and how Kyle used the naughty, naughty phrase "sober" to question Kim's behavior on television. Kim needs to get out a dictionary, open it up to the word "accountability" and learn this by heart. Hell, Kyle can get her a flashcard. They cry some more.
Brandi does do something unfathomably uncalled for though, and even if she didn't mean it quite the way it sounded and even if she really believes it, some things are better left unsaid. She basically insinuated Kyle wants Kim to stay messed up so she can control her. And of course Kyle wouldn't be a Richards if that wasn't cue for sobbing breakdown waterworks and tears that contain no liquid. Bad botox side-effect, bad actress – or both?
Kim and Kyle go sit next to each other to clutch each other in between bouts of arguing and whining and then they hug and I stopped watching at this point. Lisa kept jumping in to every subject to give her two-cents, warranted or not, like she was the overlord. Yolanda stifled a yawn, Brandi rolled her eyes, and Taylor Armstrong checked her phone. I went to get some leftover Easter candy. Yes, we're all tired of the Rambles and Splits show! Pack it up.
Then Mauricio and Ken came out. Mauricio just talked. On a loop. A rambling, runaway train of a man who never gets a word in edgewise and therefore was taking every opportunity he could to actually speak. And he talked OVER everyone.
Mauricio and Brandi had at it about how he screamed at her during the Moroccan dinner party. I forgot that even happened, but apparently both of them were deeply scarred and their deep mutual like and respect toward each other was tarnished. Kyle glowered and dug her nails into Mauricio's leg which made him abruptly start talking about Paul or something.
Lisa, Mauricio, and Ken bicker about how he's not really friends with Adrienne and only cozied up to them because he knew they wanted to sell. Mauricio denies this of course, saying he had no idea and truly loved them as people. <cough>bullshit<cough,cough>
I sent Lisa subliminal message to shut it and stop getting herself messed up in petty nonsense. Mauricio is still friends with Paul and claims he is helping Adrienne find a new house. Well, according to the message he left her the previous day they are still working together.
Lisa insists Kyle stopped caring about her friendship once the commission check cleared. Kyle glowers and obfuscates. Look Lisa, we believe you, it's just a losing battle to continue and try to make Kyle take responsibility for anything. She's incorrigible. She's a mess. She's had the same hairstyle for 25-years; what do you expect?
Paul gave an exit interview which was very classy. He said his focus was on being a father and a doctor. He feels the show was hard on his marriage, but not the cause of the divorce. He was honest in admitting Brandi's comments were seriously out of line and hurtful, but she sincerely apologized and there were no hard feelings. I respect him for that especially since he seemed like had nothing to prove and it was done without malice or blame.
The reunion was dragging on and on. I have to say there was very little drama and I'm so tired of the Richards sisters nonsense of fighting, bickering, blaming each other for everything, then being BFF and blaming everyone else for everything. I find them exhausting.
That's pretty much it. Everyone ended without much malice and basically said they felt the experience was cathartic. Oh and Kim talked about being sober some more. It is also strange to me to consider this very well may be one of the last times Taylor appears on my TV screen. Shocking, no?
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
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