Real Housewives taglines are something of an art form. Some are better at it than others. Say what you will about Lisa Vanderpump, but she nailed it, perfectly delivering the best cheeky lines every season. Some are too bizarre to quantify as good or bad, like Karen Huger‘s Season 8 tagline or Mary Cosby threatening to send Jesus after people in RHOSLC Season 2.
And then there are the taglines that made viewers cringe every week. The ones that still give secondhand embarrassment when remembered years later. These are the worst Real Housewives taglines of all time. Considering how many cities, seasons, and Housewives there’s been over the years, that says a lot.
“I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty” Kristen Taekman, RHONY Season 6
Before she returned to the franchise in RHUGT RHONY: Legacy, Kristen Taekman was best remembered for one of the worst taglines of all time. Her Real Housewives of New York Season 7 tagline, “Pretty is smarter than you think”, wasn’t much better.
“Are the police involved?” Lauri Peterson, RHOC Season 1
To be fair, this wasn’t the Real Housewives tagline format we know and love today. In the first season of OG series Real Housewives of Orange County, clips from the cast’s scenes were played instead. This included Vicki Gunvalson yelling “I don’t want to get old!” But surely there was a better quote for Lauri Peterson than “Are the police involved?”
Every time sound bites from the show are added in the intro, it’s hilariously awkward. Who could forget Kandi Burruss‘ tagline getting interrupted by a clip of her singing “hooooo” in Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 5? Or Emily Simpson’s “New hip!” in RHOC Season 15?
“I live in a house full of ballers, but I never get played” Robyn Dixon, RHOP Season 5
Does Robyn Dixon lack self-awareness, or is she in deep denial? Because she gets played every RHOP season by one of those ballers she lives with, aka husband Juan Dixon. The Dixons have also been scammed by multiple people.
“They say wisdom comes with age, but I’m proving otherwise” Crystal Kung Minkoff, RHOBH Season 13
It seems like Crystal Kung Minkoff was trying to say she’s wiser than her older castmates. Instead, this tagline sounds like she’s calling herself dumb.
“The only title I’d trade Countess for is wife” Luann de Lesseps, RHONY Season 9
Talk about a tagline that did not age well! Despite the “it’s about Tom” bombshell in Season 8, Luann de Lesseps stayed devoted to Tom D’Agostino. The marriage was doomed from the start, and was incredibly cringe worthy to watch. This tagline is so far removed from the maneater Luann RHONY fans know today, it’s like she’s a different person.
Luann’s tagline for the first three seasons, “I never feel guilty about being privileged”, could also make this list.
“You can never be too young, too thin, or too honest” Joyce Giraud, RHOBH Season 4
The RHOBH one and done Housewife didn’t leave much of a mark aside from this icky, and more or less objectively incorrect, tagline.
“I’m living the American dream, one mistake at a time”
There’s a lot of things Kelly Bensimon says that make no sense. And this tagline is definitely one of them.
“Now that I got my baby, that’s the only crap I take” Ashley Darby, RHOP Season 5
Why did Ashley Darby choose a tagline about her son’s poop? And why did she seem to do it again the following season, when her tagline was “The only thing messier than two boys is me”? Ashley’s never been great at taglines, but these were a new low.
Stop Trying to Make Holla Happen!
There’s a certain type of bad Real Housewives tagline that deserves its own entry. This is when Housewives keep incorporating something, season after season, that does not catch on. One obvious example is Heather Thomson always ending her taglines with “Holla!” which she desperately tried to make a catchphrase. Similarly, Gizelle Bryant found a way to incorporate “word on the street” in her Real Housewives of Potomac taglines for three seasons straight.
In addition to attempted catchphrases, some Housewives make repetitive taglines about one trait. Has Wendy Osefo ever had a tagline that didn’t mention she’s a professor? How many times did Lisa Rinna reference her lips? And we can’t forget how many years Kyle Richards spent emphasizing that Beverly Hills was HER town.
“The only thing I’m guilty of is being SHAH-MAZING!” Jen Shah, RHOSLC Season 2
When else has a Real Housewives tagline been so bad that it came back to bite them in a court case? In case you’ve been living under a rock, no, Jen Shah did not plead guilty of just being Shahmazing. And during her trial, prosecutors used this quote to argue that Jen mocked the charges against her. Yikes! That might make it the worst Real Housewives tagline of all.
TELL US – WHAT’S YOUR PICK FOR THE WORST REAL HOUSEWIVES TAGLINE OF ALL TIME?
