Finally! Rhonnie and Karla weigh in on part two of the Little Women: LA reunion! Wait – who are Rhonnie and Karla, you ask? Good question! They are, in fact, total rando’s that Christy McGinity Gibel feels the need to trot out once more, apparently under the guise of having “backup.” They were first seen acting like thirsty wannabees at Casino Night; now they’re gracing the couches for a final say. Or something. You know how Taylor Swift has her Squad? Yeah, well, this is the like that. Except – totally not like that. Ah, Christy. You make it hard for us to go to bat for you, chica!
The rest of the men join the ladies in part two as well, adding their opinions to the stinkpile of rehashed topics such as: Tonya Banks’ comments on average sized children, new babies (yay!), and more. Hang on, gang…I pinky promise that we are almost DONE with season 5! (I am sending Lifetime an invoice for a 7-day spa retreat as reparation for living through this mess!!!)
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World’s Greatest Moderator, Kevin Frazier, is back with the ladies to layeth down the smack. Last week ended with him confronting Christy about her sobriety, and her storming off stage in poorly manufactured tears. This came after Christy was treated to footage of the girls accusing her of popping pills. Terra Jole, who by the way got voted off of Dancing With The Stars this week (coincidence…?), claims Christy calls her pill-poppin’ problem “ibuprofen.” Once she comes back to the stage, Christy answers that, no. She has not relapsed. Not with alcohol, not with pills. ‘
Jasmine Sorge doesn’t think the attack on Christy’s sobriety is fair. And, for once, I absolutely agree with her. Terra and Briana Renee went way too low with that particular blow. Speaking of blow, Joe Gnoffo is the person who Terra needs to sic the drug-sniffing dobermans on. He was out of pocket in every possible way last week.
Christy says her behavior – which has been consistently cray cray – has to do with family stress, which includes health worries about her daughter Autumn, hubby Todd, and dad. Todd defends Christy, offering that she’s got a heavy load on her (no pun intended ;)), but that she doesn’t use pills to cope. Terra asserts that Christy just uses her family’s issues to “act out” on her friends.
So, quick show of hands: Who still wants to be friends with Christy? Apparently, Jasmine and Elena Gant do! And mayyyyybe, Tonya. Elena thinks Briana is just acting stubborn because she wants to climb further up Terra’s hiney hole. Briana’s like, “You act like you know me so well!” But Elena does know her, and is pretty much spot on with her assessment. Although I would add that Briana is Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer]’s soldier first, Terra’s second. Whatever the case, Briana will not be straying from her marching orders in the near future.
Enough with the drama! (For a hot second.) Let’s talk babies! Kevin rolls footage of Briana, Terra, and Elena’s births, and Jasmine’s pregnancy. What should have been the main focus of the season is encapsulated into a 30-second montage of cutie-pie babies, all thankfully healthy. Jasmine’s pregnancy has been touch and go, though, with her ongoing preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. Ugh. Not fun. Kevin wishes Jasmine the best. Elena’s twins are growing so fast, it’s freaking her out! But they’re sleeping more, so she’s up to four hours a night herself. Terra is jealous.
Kevin wants to talk about baby names, and in particular, Terra’s choice for her son. Is he Grayson or D’Artagnan now? Terra says he’s definitely D’Artagnan – now and forever. Kevin snarks that she should spell that for him, just so she can feel her son’s pain in the future. Joe isn’t on board with the name, but Terra is putting it on the birth certificate retroactively anyway. Because it’s her world, and he’s just living in it. She should also save up for some therapy for this kid. (And not because of his name, alone.)
Joining the ladies now are Preston, Chris, and Kerwin. Kevin floats the next dreaded turd of a topic out there: Is it possible, or even preferable, for a little person to raise an average sized baby? GAWD, NO! Here we go again with these ladies’ extreme density getting Tonya’s words twisted. I swear, if Kevin doesn’t straighten this sh*t out once and for all, I may throw my laptop out the window!!! (If this recap abruptly ends mid-sentence in the next paragraph, you’ll know why.)
Tonya clarifies, for possibly the hundredth time, that her statements about Briana being more in danger with an average sized kid (due to his abusive creep of a father) were about Briana, alone. Briana goes all “I’m a fierce mama!” on Tonya, claiming she’s not passive. This comes from the woman who accepted culpability in Matt’s gross cheating last year and who allows him to call every single shot in their sham of a marriage. So, fierce. Jasmine jumps on board next, citing how offended she was too because she’s not getting enough air time unless she can leech on to the pitiful crumbs of this drama.
Kevin revisits the question: Could Briana handle an average sized child? Tonya backtracks her sorry self and claims, yes, now that Briana and Matt are “doing good” (WTF!?!), they could handle it. Oh, Tonya. I had such high hopes for you! You got the good edit this season! #LittleLetdown
As far as genetic testing of their babies goes, Elena and Preston are still holding out. Terra and Joe have had it done already, but haven’t picked the results up yet. Chris and Jasmine aren’t sure what they’re going to do.
Ho hum. Asleep yet? Well, wake up! Because it’s time to revisit Casino Night! Here comes everyone’s favorite non entities: Rhonnie and Karla, Christy’s paid henchmen. But first, Christy explains why she put her medical report on the invite: To apologize, of course! Christy has zero self awareness. After Christy’s backup arrives, Karla snarks right away that she just had back surgery and wants to “prove” it by wearing her hospital bracelet tonight. Kevin shuts that sh*t down hard, blithely replying, “You know you can cut that off once you leave the hospital.” #BurnsByKevin
Rhonnie accuses Tonya of controlling Jasmine and Elena. Tonya is no-Rhonnie’s b*tch though, and practically pops out of her seat itchin’ to strike this heifer down. But Rhonnie’s got more! She calls Briana a weak nobody, ironically not recognizing her actual nobody-status. Kevin asks why Rhonnie and Karla came on the scene like a backup gang? They are here just to stir the sh*t again, and deserve no further attention.
Christy defends that she originally brought them along to Casino Night just in case no one showed up, but Elena puts her in check. Christy just wanted them to attack her friends for her, period. Bingo! After much ado about nothing, Rhonnie and Karla wander out, back to the obscurity from whence they came. But not before Kevin reminds Karla to cut off her hospital bracelet on the way out. Bwahahahaha!
Next on the agenda: Terra dissing Lil’ Boss Body’s logo. Terra didn’t see Tonya as a lotus flower type of gal – that’s more Briana’s shtick. But Tonya argues that it wasn’t Terra’s message so much as it was her delivery, which was overboard and hurtful. Terra defends that it was criticism meant to help her, but Kevin comments that it seemed like “payback.”
Elena pipes up that Tonya wasn’t very supportive of her clothing line initially, so it’s fair play! The two scream over each other for a while until Tonya finally switches gears. Even she can’t summon the energy to make this argument happen. Her workout line is set to hit the market in November (hmm…a quick google search reveals it’s “coming soon”) and she’s proud of it. The lotus flower did not survive. #RIPLotusFlower
In closing, Kevin brings up Terra’s DWTS stint. Elena was concerned about Terra starting the process so quickly (3 weeks) after a c-section. Terra does feel like she’s missing too many moments of little D’Artagnan’s first months, but it’s been worth it. Tonya wanted to do DWTS too, but she’s not jelly. She’s proud of Terra’s accomplishments. Except when it comes to her eating her own placenta. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
Kevin asks whether Terra gets special treatment because she’s an executive producer on the show? Christy answers YES! She claims that DWTS, for example, was Briana’s dream a long time ago. But Terra’s the one who got it. What Christy fails to realize is that Terra is also a professional dancer. Mealy-mouthed Briana blames her missed chance at DWTS on “piss poor representation” that didn’t get her name in the pool on time. This delusional chick is never to blame for her own missteps or failures, even when it comes to this petty sh*t, is she? Un. Be. Liev. Able.
So, where do these ladies go from here? Christy hopes they can be copacetic. She’s also dunzo weighing in on Briana’s trash heap of a relationship. Tonya’s ready to kick her career into high gear. (As soon as she can figure out how to launch actual products on a website.) Elena wants another baby. Jasmine just wants a healthy child – but won’t reveal the gender yet!
Kevin thanks the group for “another incredible season” and looks forward to season 6, coming next year. In which someone will be summarily tased in the face each time they dredge up old drama. I swear to God! I will be holding the taser.
TELL US: IS BRIANA JEALOUS OF TERRA, OR CONTROLLED BY HER? CAN CHRISTY DROP THE BRIANA/MATT AND CONCUSSION DRAMA FOR GOOD? WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES FOR SEASON 6?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
