This isn't your everyday train wreck. Watching Big Rich Atlanta is like watching a circus train derail. And I love every second of it.
Virginia Kolb is mortified to learn that her daughters, Harvin Eadon and Meyer Eadon, left Marcia Marchman's Halloween party through a window.
What every mother wants to hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: Mom, rather than leave last night's party like civilized beings, we jumped out a window. Actually, we were so drunk, we kind of just fell out. (paraphrased)
What Virginia fears she'll see in the town's gossip column: "Inebriated Broke Down Baby Dolls Fall Out Window" or "Mama Goose's Daughters: Drunk And Out Of Control"
What Harvin and Meyer (probably) often hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: I hope nobody saw you do that.
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Meyer appears for the day. It's 1:00 in the afternoon. Virginia is not impressed. Harvin makes fun of Meyer's hair, which looks like road kill, and Virginia grows more and more impatient with her daughters. "I've had it," says Virginia's checkbook. "Show me you can be responsible and be a part of this business!" Virginia lays down the law – Web-based designers! Models! Pictures! By the end of the day!
Marcia and Katie Davidson meet for lunch and dish about their invites to Sabrina McKenzie's upcoming dinner party. Personally, I'd rather pick my dinner out of Meyer's hair, but both ladies are contractually obligated plan to attend. With that out of the way, Katie invites Marcia to her annual harvest party, promising a fun party with a fun guest list. Katie lies.
Meanwhile, Sharlinda Parker invites Sabrina out to lunch, because she's one of the "more level-headed" ladies at the country club. Sharlinda tells Sabrina about Q's new album and invites her to the release party. Sabrina takes this opportunity to tell us that she has been in the entertainment industry for a long time. Nobody cares. Sabrina asks Sharlinda when Q's latest single will hit the radio, Sharlinda is like, It's already on the radio. Honey, where have you been?! Um, she's been in Anandi's business, and speaking of which…
Marcia, McClain, Katie, and Diana join Sabrina and Anandi McKenzie at their home for dinner. Can you say awkward? I have no idea why Katie and Diana are even there. Sabrina thinks men are evil. McClain, a male, has expressed interest in Anandi, Sabrina's "off limits" daughter. That's two strikes against McClain.
Sabrina tortures McClain. I cannot begrudge Sabrina for asking McClain if he loves Jesus, because her faith is important to her. But, when you go from "let's love Jesus" to "let's keep you two just as friends" to "let's discuss the AIDS epidemic in Atlanta" to "let's keep your privates to yourself" in thirty seconds flat, you need help. Sabrina's dinner guests cannot get out of there fast enough. To Anandi, Sabrina insists that she didn't set out to put McClain on the spot, and I think she's certifiable. I pity the man Anandi eventually marries. For real.
Next, Harvin and Meyer ask Meagan McBrayer to take part in their She Blames Me photo shoot, and she says yes. Then, the sisters ask Meagan if they should ask Anandi to model as well. Meagan thinks it's a great idea. Harvin expresses concern over Anandi's soft-spoken nature. Meyer asks, "How can she have such a loud mother and be so quiet," to which Harvin says, "She probably can't get a word in." Meyer points out that Sharlinda's loud mouth doesn't stop Kahdijiha Rowe from speaking. Anyway, Anandi wants to stick it to her mom be a She Blames Me model and shows off her catwalk and come hither crawl right in the middle of the country club.
Sharlinda is not happy to find out that Sabrina, who fancies herself as the industry's next big thing, works the room and passes out business cards at Q's release party. Meanwhile, Katie and her lunatic designer, Donald, shop for harvest party decorations. Donald suggests some drama for the ceiling to balance out the drama (alludes to her "trashy" friends) on the floor. Offended, Katie says, "I have refined guests coming," to which Donald responds, "Then you might want to consider inviting Vagina, err, Virginia." When Donald carries on about Virginia's G-shot, Katie demands that there be no mention of "private areas" at her part. Donald promises that he'll practice not saying the word vagina, adding, "I never liked that word anyway." Oh really? I couldn't tell.
Later, realizing that she's being ignored, Sabrina chases down Sharlinda at the country club. Sharlinda tells Sabrina that she didn't appreciate her handing out cards at Q's party. When Sabrina pulls the "everyone else was doing it" card, Sharlinda says, "Other people don't even matter to me. A lot of people are going to come network, but I wanted to share this moment with you. If we're friends and it's something you want to do and desire to do, let's try to make it happen." On her couch, Sharlinda says, "I really do like Sabrina, but I don't know if I trust her or not." Kahdijiha tells her mom to keep the preacher at arm's distance.
Middleman, a stylist, and Glen, a photographer, agree to work with Harvin and Meyer, to get She Blames Me up and running. Virginia is at the photo studio, waiting for Harvin and Meyer, as always. Once they finally arrive, Harvin totally takes charge of the shoot, much to Meyer's dismay. Middleman says, "Look, somebody come in here and try to run the show. Like we ain't been here all day waiting for y'all." Harvin responds, "You haven't heard? I have a serious case of RTS. Run. This. Show."
To Meyer, Harvin says, "You sit there like you're some prima donna diva, and you're not. Get up. Work. Sweat. Put some energy into it. You're falling asleep." Meyer cries, "What are you talking about? I did nothing to you." Harvin, channeling her inner Randy Jackson, says, "Get in it to win it!" Meyer storms out of the room, claiming that she cannot stand to look at Harvin anymore, and poor Virginia looks like she needs a stiff drink.
Harvin and Meyer are exhausting. And I say that as a big fan. Like, toddlers are cute and fun to hang with… but you gladly give them back to their owner after a few hours because you're exhausted… I totally wouldn't be able to handle Harvin and Meyer full time. Sister drama aside, the photo shoot is a smashing success, and they toast to "all the bitches who love to blame, hate, and criticize" at the end.
It's time for Katie's harvest party, and she promises a "classy and elegant" evening. One look at lunatic Donald, who is three sheets to the wind before the first guest arrives, and I'm going to go with with "trashy and repulsive" instead.
Donald says hello to Marcia with a spank on the behind. This is going to be painful. Donald asks, "Is my ascot okay?" I say, "Can you breathe?" Donald says, "No." I say, "It's not tight enough." Virginia brings Mike to the party. Katie acts like she brought a rabid dog, saying, "I wasn't expecting Virginia to being her 'special friend' into my home."
Donald announces, "Before Virginia got here, Katie said she needs to lock the river because she didn't want no hoochee coochee on the Chattahoochee." Donald goes on to call Virginia a ho, saying, "You be ho-ing up and down the street. But that's okay because you're not married." Pointing to Marcia, he adds, "Now her, she was doing ti when she was married, from what I heard." Katie cries that she just doesn't know what to do about Donald's drunken antics.
Next, Virginia defends herself when Donald pokes fun at the G-shot, and Katie has the audacity to chastise Virginia for talking about it. In response, Virginia says, "It wouldn't have come up if you hadn't told Donald!"
Donald keeps on until Virginia decides to leave. On her way out, Virginia tells Katie to get rid of Donald, and Katie simply offers a heartfelt apology. Donald screams, "These bitches are just pissing my ass off! Go on. Go on. Get your ass out the door. Don't come back next time because you are not invited!" Then, Katie fails to respond when Looney Tunes pushes her out of the way to close her door.
Donald slurs, "She was whoring around since the moment she walked through the door, and you know it." Then, pointing to Marcia, he adds, "And here's another one!" When Marcia throws her drink on him, Donald yells, "You messed up my pumpkin shirt from Paris, you freaking bitch! I'll have your damn head."
Marcia runs and hides behind the bar. Katie, who seems to be completely out of tune with reality, stands over Marcia and tells her to get up. Here comes Donald, screaming, "Down in the damn bar just like a New Orleand whore." Donald continues to cry about his pumpkin shirt and spews nonsense about Marcia trying to talk Katie into getting the G-shot.
Marcia calls Donald bizarre (understatement of the year) and tells Katie that she, too, is not going to put up with it. Katie responds, "You have to get control of yourself, though. You cannot just throw wine on people." I feel like I'm watching The Twilight Zone. Katie attempts to scold Donald for his bad behavior. Looney Tunes starts throwing wine glasses and Katie's dishes, screaming, "Look at this! You broke your damn china!" Katie kicks Donald out, saying, "My party is a disaster."
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