Jennifer Fessler has never been a full-time Real Housewives of New Jersey star. But she could be if she’d stop leaving events early. Unlike most friends of the cast, Jenn isn’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with the queen bees on her series, which several full-timers could (and have) never. Like her or not, Jenn has provided us with several iconic one-liners and moments for two seasons now. These are our favorites.
“Is that fresh Mozzarella?” – Jenn Fessler, RHONJ Season 13
In Season 13, Dolores Catania, Teresa Giudice, and Jennifer Aydin got locked in a heated verbal dispute. As their voices grew louder, Jenn slunk back towards Melissa Gorga. Mel stood there in silence, casually watching this mess unfold while drinking her soda, giving zero f*cks. On a table behind Melissa, however, lay fresh, homemade cheese.
Jenn was every woman in this scene. She asked Mel, “Is that fresh Mozzarella?” After hearing that it was, Jenn loaded up her plate and dug in. And when I say Jenn dug in, I mean she ate that cheese like she hadn’t eaten a dang thing in years.
As her costars raised their voices several additional octaves, Jenn’s eating turned aggressive, almost like she was trying to keep herself from speaking. When things started getting ugly, Jenn finally put her plate down and approached the women, trying to be their voice of reason. Dolores, however, shut her down. “I can’t with this group,” Jenn stressed, returning to the cheese table to refill her plate and her mouth with cheese, not chaos.
Jenn only asked, “Is that fresh Mozzarella?” Yet, this one-liner unintentionally brought humor into a very frustrating scene. So kudos, Jenn, and get yourself a Mozzarella endorsement deal.
“I’m not into that” – Jenn Fessler, RHONJ Season 13
Jenn likes her food. As do I. Call me, Jenn. In Season 13, Jenn and Rachel Fuda enjoyed a proper lunch date in New Jersey. When Rachel asked Jenn to share her food, however, Jenn responded by saying, “I’m not into that,” as Rachel chuckled in turn.
Let’s be clear, filming for a nationally syndicated television show while eating must suck. I would be the most self-conscious human alive. I’m sure I’d be constantly wiping my face and checking my teeth, all while ensuring that I wasn’t making any weird noises for my mic pack to pick up on. If one of my costars asked me to share something with them, cutting my filmed fluffy feast short, I’d jump on it.
But Jenn did not. Instead, she ordered an entire pizza for herself. Rachel then asked, “Wait. Can we share that?” In response, Jenn said, “I’m not into that. No offense. I don’t want to share.” Rachel laughed, and Jenn enjoyed her fully plated pie like a part-time champ.
“Baby bullsh*t” and a “gross” pour – Jenn Fessler, RHONJ Season 14
RHONJ Season 14 was a doozy. After Teresa hosted a summit with her lawyer in her castle, Margaret Josephs invited Jenn and Dolo over to get the tea, as she skillfully often does. When Jenn arrived, she took her shoes off, filled her plate with banana pudding, and got cozy on Marge’s couch, ready to chat.
After filling Jenn’s glass with “good red” wine, Jenn’s face said it all. “This is maybe the grossest glass of wine I’ve ever had,” she admitted, not caring about coming across as anything less than a proper, well-mannered guest. Then, Dolores phoned in, announcing that she was “on her way.” Yelling over Margaret, Jenn asked Dolo to “bring red wine. Her [Marge’s] wine sucks.”
Once Dolores finally arrived, they began chatting about the drama happening within their cast. Jenn accurately labeled it as “baby bullshit,” making me laugh once again. Jenn’s one-liners like this one almost always scream the truth. She says what many of us at home are thinking, making her one of the most valuable friends in the Real Housewives franchise.
“I ain’t your soldier” – Jenn Fessler, RHONJ Season 14
It took Jenn some time to figure out where she stood with certain ladies in this cast. Yet, she alone made this call, even though a few of her costars often tried to sway her opinions. Case in point, during Season 14, the cast headed to the shore, where Marge and Rachel began questioning Jenn about her friendship with Teresa. Jenn, however, was tired of being told how to act, think, and respond, so she clapped back at these two ladies.
“I ain’t your soldier,” Jenn stressed. Right away, Marge’s head cocked to the side, almost like she wanted to respond but couldn’t, yet. No worries, as Jenn was far from finished. Her one-liner was only the setup for what she quipped next.
“I will handle my sh*t my way. I got you, but I am not going to be you,” Jenn, the part-time professional speaker, ended.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I should have kissed you” – Jenn Fessler, RHONJ Season 14
Since the ladies on Real Housewives of New Jersey hate each other, their reunion took shape as a watch party. Returning to the Rails Steakhouse in NJ, the ladies split into two rooms. With Jenn were Margaret, Melissa, Rachel, and Danielle Cabral, and it was with these women that Jenn had to watch and then dissect the Season 14 Finale episode.
Except Jenn arrived late. Once present, Jenn was on a 10, already stressed out over her lack of timeliness. She told Rachel and Danielle that they failed to greet her warmly. Rachel explained that she “turned around and said hi,” and she also asked how Jenn was, so, what?
Fessler quickly snapped back at Rachel, saying, “Oh. I’m sorry. I should have kissed you.” While this one-liner landed ridiculously, it was still an honest, unfiltered, memorable one-liner from a part-time Real Housewives star. Keep popping off, Jenn, and hopefully, we will see you again somewhere down the road.
TELL US – HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF LAUGHING OVER ANY OF JENN’S ONE-LINERS? DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE?
