During Seasons 5-8, Alexis Bellino gracefully held an orange on Real Housewives of Orange County. Now, she’s a divorcee, who just so happens to be dating Shannon Beador’s ex John Janssen. Naturally, Bravo is bringing her back, to help stir up some drama on RHOC Season 18. She’ll be returning in a friend-of capacity, but even still, Shannon’s going to need a slew of lemons nearby, to help alleviate her likely heightened stress levels around John’s latest love.
Here’s the thing about Alexis. She’s an epic reality television star because she’s gorgeous, witty, unintentionally funny, and messy. Oh, and her mind wanders a bit. This means that whenever she’s holding the talking stick, anything can happen.
On this, I’ve got zero hate for the star formally known as “Jesus Jugs.” Just this morning, I asked my husband about my keys, but then, my train jumped the tracks, rattling off words that sound weird when spoken. Cue my guy, slow blinking, backing his way out of our front door. DM me if you’re even in Tampa, Alexis, and we can have a scattered little coffee sesh.
All of this said Alexis made me laugh, even when she wasn’t really trying to. Therefore, I’m eager to see her back on Bravo again. In honor of her taking a small little slice of her orange back, these are my picks for Alexis’ all-time funniest moments on RHOC.
Alexis is a lot, but at least she knows it
Alexis and all of her neurotic ways made Season 5 interesting. Right away, we learned that Alexis is a very picky eater. While on a date with her now ex, this was her order. “I want to do a Cadillac Margarita, but I like it with Patrón Silver, with a little bit of Grand Marnier, and two fresh limes squeezed in it, with soda water, and only salt on part of the rim please.”
She then laughed, and in her confessional, she explained that she “likes her food a certain way.” Her “ordering is a nightmare,” because she’s “just silly” and she doesn’t “know why.” Maybe she’s “neurotic,” but no, “that’s not the right word … What’s the right word?” she asks, laughing all the more.
She’d then go on to have roughly 1,787,862 additional scenes, each filled with orders that were so lengthy, they might not even fit on a CVS receipt.
“One more bite” for the birds
When Alexis’ mom popped in, the two went out for a nice, classy meal. Here, her mother reminded her that when she was just a little Alexis, she used to be afraid to walk to school, because afterward, her hair might smell like the air. Alexis laughed at this memory, but now, I want to get her into a Melting Pot, because that place leaves you rank for days.
Then, Alexis got hungry, so she leaned in for one more bite of her bread. The size of this bite was an estimated 0.000012 milligrams. Mmm. Full. So many idiosyncrasies, so little time.
You see a birthday party, Alexis sees a therapy sesh
In Season 7, Alexis threw a birthday party for her twins. There were puppies available to adopt, and princesses were everywhere. It was an adorable, kid-friendly event, but then, Alexis grabbed a mic, and everything turned chaotic. But like, in the best possible way.
“Thank you, everyone that came today. I know this is quite a lot going on at once, and it had a lot more formality, but of course, when children get involved, it never works out that way…” she began, trailing off. Meanwhile, the cameras focused in on the 4-year-olds in her audience, who were all looking up at her, wanting her to announce that it was now time for the cake.
But alas, Alexis had only just begun. “I just want to give a special welcome to my [children]. They’ve never had a formal birthday party as of yet, because I feel four is when the memories are made, and they can actually remember,” she restarted. But then, things grew…intense.
“[My children] had a very special entrance into the world. They were born at 34 weeks. Their mom [points to self] almost passed away. I had a pulmonary embolism, and thank God Dr. Brook, sweet Dr. Brook is the one that figured it out. ER couldn’t even figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m doubled over … I can’t breathe … serious pain medication … I enter the hospital for five days … I’m on Demerol, ” she went on, and on, and on.
Once again, the cameras panned the room, showing off her baffled listeners. Speaking of rooms, Alexis cannot read a single one. And for that, she’s unintentionally hysterical.
News Anchor Alexis
When Heather Dubrow waltzed in, Alexis stood ready to wow her new costar. Over coffee, Heather asked about Alexis’ career. “I do anchoring on The Fox 5 Morning Show,” Alexis answered. Impressed, Heather asks for more intel, knocking her questions out like a pro.
Turns out, Alexis’ anchoring position was very new, as in two months new, and it’s only on Fridays. Later on, we see a montage of her time on-air, and yep, she’s a mess. First, she says the wrong name for one of her guests. Then, she couldn’t pronounce the word psychological, which almost killed her story.
Likewise, she interrupted everyone, and her thoughts went off the rails, leaving her guests wide-eyed and slack-jawed in turn. The producers then cut to her in the studio’s bathroom, talking to herself about how she’s new to this, but she’s already so great at her job.
Long live Alexis. Orange County’s finest funniest news anchor to date.
TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED TO SEE ALEXIS REJOINING RHOC IN SEASON 18? WHAT IS YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORY OF ALEXIS?
