Previously on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Lisa Barlow and Monica Garcia just don’t like each other. Meredith Marks started a podcast that nobody cares about, and Angie Katsanevas is so focused on being a mom that sometimes she forgets she’s a wife. Also Heather Gay and Lisa made peace over the Mormon of it all. Here’s everything that went down in Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 4, Episode 11: “If I Could Churn Back Time.”
Always be honest with your kids
At Monica’s house, her oldest daughter Bri is cuddled on the couch, texting with her boyfriend about prom. Bri remembers that her mom was Prom Queen at her Senior Prom, and Monica brings out a couple of photo albums to show pictures.
While looking through the albums, Monica sees family pictures from Bermuda, where her Nana is from. Apparently, there’s a big Portuguese community in Bermuda. Monica would like to take her kidssomeday to see where their Nana was born.
Monica broaches a sensitive subject with her daughter. Monica’s dad left when she was only four and her mother destroyed all photos of him, so Monica doesn’t even know what her own father looks like. She believes it’s important for Bri to know about her biological dad, so she’s made her a photo album.
Monica got pregnant when she was very young. She married her daughter’s father, but one day when Bri was still a baby, he left for work. Baby Bri was crawling on the floor and found a “clear, plastic bag full of OxyContin.”
“In that moment,” Monica says, “I grabbed my daughter, and I never looked back.”
Monica’s second husband adopted Bri, but Monica still believes it’s important for her to know who her bio dad was. Her therapist told her to “always be honest” with her kids. They have a way of uncovering the truth, so it’s best to be straight with them from the start.
Shawn and Angie try to reconnect
Angie and her husband Shawn Trujillo have a lunch date. Angie’s wearing a close-fitting silver top that looks like she just stepped off the set of the original Lost in Space (Google it). This is the first time they’ve been out without their daughter in years. They don’t know what to talk about and sit in uncomfortable silence at the table.
Angie complains about having to listen to Shawn’s country music in the car. “It’s annoying,” she tells him. But he argues that listening to “The Humpty Dance” in her car is equally annoying. Does Angie live in 1990? That’s kind of crazy.
“Do we still have stuff in common?” Shawn asks. “We’re not connecting on a relationship kind of level.”
They realize they haven’t been alone together for two years. They need to make an effort to spend more time together without Elektra.
“Time to worry about us,” Shawn states.
Heather’s Pioneer Lunch
As Heather makes final preparations for her Pioneer Day Lunch, she checks out the bonnets and aprons she’s brought for everyone to wear. Even though she expects the costumes to be a “hard sell,” she says, “I want these prima donnas to feel a little bit of the grit that created the state of Utah.”
When her guests arrive, there’s some complaining. Lisa and Meredith moan, “No more costumes!”
Whitney Rose asks, “What the f*ck is happening?”
Monica arrives and greets everyone. “Hi, Lisa,” she says, but gets no response. Monica chooses to let it go.
The first activity is butter-churning. They don’t have any actual churns but use the grade school version and fill mason jars halfway with heavy cream. They’re supposed to shake the jars for six minutes. The required motion suggests another more intimate activity and someone comments, “This is dirty.”
Heather jokes, “You guys have done this for longer than six minutes.”
Next, they make handkerchief dolls and name them Pink Pioneer, Trina the Trekker, Margaret, Celestial, Eunice and Molly Mormon. Somebody needs to tell the production people that the flute music they’re playing in the background is more Colonial era than Utah Pioneer.
When it’s time for lunch, the ladies enjoy some “Pioneer Mormon” fare: ribs, mac and cheese, cornbread muffins with Utah honey and “Mormon potatoes.” I looked up Mormon Potatoes and they’re just grated potatoes with cheese. Sounds delicious though.
Who’s on your wagon?
While the ladies are enjoying their pioneer meal, Heather suggests a game called “Who’s On Your Wagon?”
“Imagine you’re on a wagon train,” Heather says, setting the scene. “You’re crossing the plains. The oxen are worn … and our wagon has too much weight. So one person has to go. Who do you throw off your wagon?”
Oh, this is not a good idea, Heather. On what planet would this “game” be anything but trouble?
Lisa goes first. Who do you think Lisa will pick to throw off her wagon? If you need more than one guess, you haven’t been paying attention. Because she’s Lisa, she chooses to get all passive/aggressive about it. “Well, I’m a big supporter of women,” she begins. “I would keep everyone but the one that’s the nastiest to women, so, Monica, you would have to go. Just cause you’re mouthy and mean to women.” Hello, Kettle!
Of course, Monica’s triggered by Lisa’s answer. “You’re so nasty,” Monica says. But Lisa claims she’s being “honest, there’s a difference.” And off we go. Same old fight. Monica and Lisa just do not like each other. But Lisa was really unnecessarily hurtful.
To get everyone’s attention, Angie throws her churning jar on the ground and yells, “Opa!” Seriously? Are they all still trying to make butter? I think if you churn it too long it turns into buttermilk.
Monica has been in an abusive relationship with her mother her entire life. People who have been hurt hurt others. That’s the cycle of abuse. Can nobody see this? Monica’s triggered that everyone feels it’s okay for Lisa to say mean, nasty things about her, but when she responds in kind, she’s “wrong.” It makes no sense and it’s hypocritical.
A surprising apology
Heather pulls Monica aside to announce the trip, but now Monica’s feelings are hurt and she says she’s not going. Heather doesn’t understand why Monica’s so upset. “It was a game,” she insists. Can’t she see how much Lisa’s words have wounded Monica? Monica’s actually crying. How can she not feel bad for her?
Realizing that Monica’s actually crying, the Grinch’s Lisa’s “small heart grew three sizes that day.”
“If you need for me to acknowledge that your mom’s not nice to you, I’m sorry,” she tells Monica. “Me saying I saw her being nice does not negate any of your feelings.” Wow. I’m shocked. Opa!
In turn, Monica apologizes for calling Lisa ugly. It came from pain. Kindly, Lisa tells Monica, “Take a deep breath and move forward.” I’m actually stunned that Lisa finally recognizes Monica’s hurt. But Heather still can’t see it.
Back at the table, they’re still jerking off those mason jars. Seriously, ladies, stop shaking those jars. You’re wasting your time.
Finally, Heather announces the surprise trip for Monica’s birthday. They have shells and sand in tiny bottles, a hint as to their destination. As soon as Heather says “pink sand,” Lisa guesses, “Bermuda!” Oh my gosh. How did Lisa suddenly get so smart?
But as Monica continues to cry, Heather turns on her. Was she not there when Lisa started the whole thing by attacking Monica and calling her nasty? Lisa took the first shot. That was the stupidest idea for a “game” ever.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 4 continues Tuesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SALT LAKE CITY SEASON 4, EPISODE 11? DO YOU THINK HEATHER’S “GAME” WAS OKAY? DO YOU THINK ANY OF THE WOMEN EVER ACHIEVED BUTTER AFTER ALL THAT SHAKING?
