Oof. This was another rough one. Welcome back to another week of Vanderpump Rules. We’re only an episode away from the highly anticipated reunion. For now, it’s like we’re looking into another dimension. A time before everyone knew about Scandoval. Next week, that all changes!
Last week, Tom Sandoval was getting caught in a lie thanks to Lala Kent. This polyester putz was lingering at a BBQ with his mistress while his girlfriend was home grieving the loss of her grandmother. This week, Ariana admits she’s bothered by Tom’s behavior, even if just for the fact that it opens their relationship to more scrutiny. Aim higher.
The truth booth
What Tom Tom lacks in staff, they make up for in jewel-toned velvet. Sandoval and Tom Schwartz are celebrating the arrival of a gigantic booth they’ve been needing. Just in time for nothing, because they’re still nowhere near opening. It’s borderline impressive.
Sandoval started complaining that Ariana Madix isn’t obsessed with him like she used to be. Schwartz added that they are acting more like roommates lately. Especially the part about hooking up with each other’s friends. Don’t forget they are both in on Scandoval at this point. In his confessional, Sandoval tried to look sympathetic. It’s not easy for him to always be wrong. He needs someone dumber than him, remember?
Schwartz and Sandy’s love triangle(s)
There’s a scene where Sandoval and Ariana talk about Tom’s lie during the barbecue. Tom and Ariana both agree that she finds him annoying to be around. She tells him that he peacocks for everyone else but is as unimpressive as a 40-year-old alcoholic around her. She deserves better. And he hates that she’s willing to say it.
Later, Raquel Leviss pulls Ariana aside to ask how things are going with Tom amid all the rumors. She specifically asked about their sex life. It’s harrowing. Ariana explains that she and Tom spend no time together and she cant be intimate with an emotional stranger. Ariana blames her own body as one of their problems, and Raquel starts crying for her. She turns this into a female empowerment moment. A dark day for the herstory books.
Meanwhile, Schwartz is enduring the full wrath of Katie Maloney following his make-out with Raquel. Schwartz upholds Brocade, and restrains himself from admitting Raquel was probably just using him as a prop. All this while he copes with the fact that the sandwich shop is opening before his bar. Did I mention his pits smell like “dirty new shirt” and lemons?
Mrs. Maloney earns a credit
Get this woman a purple drink to spill in slo-mo. Teri Maloney came to play. She had a sit-down moment with Schwartz at the SUR afterparty. He tells her that he wasn’t thinking about Katie when he was making out with Raquel in Mexico. Teri tells him that is a slap in the face.
Later, Raquel approaches Katie to congratulate her on the sandwich shop ask why she speaks to Schwartz the way she does. I think this was supposed to be her big finale moment. The thing we were all supposed to talk about at the reunion. Which brings me to my next point. This season would have been nothing without Scandoval, and that pains me to admit.
It also pains me to be on Katie’s side in an argument. That is how utterly indefensible Raquel’s actions are at this point. Teri decided to speak on it, and she tries to reason with the youngster. Bambi rolled those eyes, though, and Katie went off.
Finale fight!
After Mrs. Maloney told Rachel to shut up (gasp!) everything goes haywire. Sandoval jumped to Raquel’s defense and started yelling at Katie. So then Ariana yelled at Tom. Raquel tells Katie she is just jealous, and Katie shoos Raquel away. She isn’t going to be told how to live her life by some 28-year-old pageant dropout. She’s in her beret era.
After everything, Tom Sandoval sits himself down to mansplain Katie’s feelings to Teri. At the same time, Ariana is sobbing on Lisa Vanderpump’s shoulder. She was wailing that she wanted to go home. She’s struggling with the fact that she loves both Raquel and Katie and it’s hard to watch them fight. This poor innocent lamb.
SUR alley drama
There’s nothing else like it. Katie follows Schwartz outside to question his loyalty once again. For some reason, Raquel showed up to the conversation to try and explain she actually is an empathetic person. Okay then, dear. Katie basically calls her a ho, and I’m having flashbacks to the “I call it like I see it” shrug that haunts Lala to this day.
Raquel tries to tell Katie that her actions with Tom were not meant to be malicious, but the producers give us a flashback of her saying she could give a f-ck if Katie cared. And we could give a f-ck about your pick-me $700 necklace, Rachel.
See you next week!
TELL US – WAS KATIES MOM RIGHT TO SPEAK UP TO RAQUEL? ARE YOU TEAM RAQUEL OR TEAM KATIE? DO YOU THINK SCHWARTZ IS PLAYING A WEIRD LONG GAME?
