The latest episode of 90 Day Fiance has us at an impasse, much like our couples. Between the constant red flags, lack of communication and awkward confessionals, I left this 90 Day Fiance episode feeling like none of these couples should be together, let alone be on the marriage fast-track. We also get to meet a brand new couple, who have about as much chemistry as two people using a translator app to flirt.
Michael introduces Juliana to his ex-wife, Sarah, and while it seems promising, even Max and Cece couldn’t break the tension with their cuteness. Robert and Anny continue to bicker their way through car rides and restaurants. Anny barely makes it through a meeting with Bryson’s grandparents without clawing their faces off. Farmer Mike and Natalie reunite in Ukraine. Aside from the crippling credit card debt Mike is hiding, they are really the only couple I like and am rooting for. Anna Campisi and Mursel Mistanoglu continue to not communicate their way through life and even their mutual love of nerdiness beekeeping can’t bring them together.At least we didn’t have to sit through all the uncomfortable conversations in front of her kids.
Tania Too Hype and Syngin….oh man, where do I even start? Too Hype really lived up to her name this episode when poor Syngin found out the Shed of Dreams was really a nightmare. Finally, we got to meet our latest disaster couple, Blake and Jasmine, who has definitely come to the U.S. for Blake (snort) and not her sister who just so happens to live 10 minutes away.
Michael, 41 (Greenwich, Connecticut) and Juliana, 23 (Brazil)
We open with Juliana and Cece bonding over makeup and “hair bunnies”. Watching this makes me realize that Juliana is totally cut out to be the fun, older sister….oops! I mean, step mom to these kids. But with that tiny distinction aside, today is a big day and clearly, that’s what the fun buns are for. Juliana is going to meet Michael’s ex-wife (and mother to our beloved fan favorites, Max and Cece), Sarah. Michael says Sarah can smell bullshit a mile away. As long as Juliana is sincere, she will be fine. No pressure, Jules!
And just like that, out of an Audi pops Sarah, full of confidence and assertiveness, as described by Max. Sarah says she’s excited to see her kids, her dog, and to finally meet Juliana, in that order. They embrace in a big hug and so far, so good. Sarah can understand why some women might feel threatened by the force that is Juliana. But, Sarah doesn’t have the time, energy or the need for it. Dammit, I like Sarah. She’s got the confidence of a woman who doesn’t need to shop online for her next husband.
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Juliana mentions she is starting her diet tomorrow because she feels fat with all this American food. And, the lioness that she is, Sarah smells the weakness and immediately asks Juliana what her goals are. Juliana doesn’t know. Sarah turns to Michael to ask and he admits no one will replace Sarah as a mother and it will be great to have Juliana around as a “resource”. Ermmmm, that’s one way to describe your fiance I guess. Sarah clarifies that as long as Juliana doesn’t parent, everything will be ok. She can either choose to accept this and have Sarah be her ally or…not. Please, Juliana, start working on that friendship bracelet if you know what’s good for you.
Robert, 41 (Winter Park, Florida) and Anny, 30 (Dominican Republic)
Despite fighting nonstop, Robert is still trying to convince us that he and Anny love each other. Sure, Jan. On today’s agenda, Robert is going to introduce Anny to Bryson’s grandparents. I’m going to need y’all to buckle up for this one. Anny enters the situation with an attitude and she’s sure going to leave with one. I admire her dedication. I truly do.
Enter Stephanie and Ben, the grandparents. They look young and friendly. Anny instantly hates them for no reason. For their part, Stephanie and Ben are skeptical of this relationship because this is the first they are hearing of our girl Anny. Stephanie requests to talk to Anny privately and gets down to business. Stephanie is an adult film actress, which needs to be clarified. So, grandma is a porn star and she’s telling Anny, who is the least friendly and understanding person EVER. True to form, Anny tells us she’s disgusted and clearly doesn’t think she needs anything to do with Stephanie.
I admire Stephanie’s honesty, but wish she would have eased into it a tiny bit more once she realized she was dealing with a honey badger instead of a stepmom to her grandson. But just as I was about to take Stephanie’s side, she hits Anny with all the questions – like, “are you planning on having kids with Robert and are you on birth control?” As you can imagine, this doesn’t sit well with Anny and she ends up storming off.
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The whole grandparent debacle just gave Anny and Robert one more thing to fight about (although I’m sure they would have come up with something else anyway). When they head out to yet another dinner, Anny is ready to rumble before they even sit down. Thankfully, when she tells Robert what happened, he’s on her side.
But, poor Anny thinks she’s on a roll getting her way. Instead of taking her win and having a nice dinner, she thinks she can get Robert to delete all the pictures of his exes off social media. Not gonna happen. Robert, a self-described player, admits that he was quite the party boy back in the day. Which is I guess why he has 5 kids with 4 different women. So, to recap – Robert has lots of kids, lots of exes and grandma is a porn star. Got it? Let’s move on.
Mike, 34 (Sequim, WA) and Natalie, 35 (Kyiv, Ukraine)
It’s been six months since Mike has seen Natalie. As promised in last week’s episode, it’s time to say goodbye to Beau Jangles and the farm. Mike leaves Beau Jangles in charge with a big hug. Beau says something no one can understand anyway. Such a sweet, happy clown. I’m going to miss him this episode!
We get our first look at Natalie in her homeland and gosh, she is just darling. She considers herself elegant, sophisticated and wants to climb Mt. Everest one day. Not on her list? Living on a farm in the middle of Washington, but ok. Natalie and Mike are clearly in love and have all the engagement-style photos to prove it. So. Many. Engagement. Photos. But let me stop hating as it’s just a testament to their adorable love.
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Natalie is out and about with her friends, who seem less enthused about the relationship. They pepper her with questions about everything from Mike’s weight to his job and how much he makes. Natalie is caught off guard and unhappy, but there is one person she can count on to be excited about Mike – her mom. She adores him and can’t stop gushing about him. Natalie and Mike’s reunion at the airport is super sweet, followed immediately on the cuteness scale by his reunion with Natalie’s mom.
But just when I’m getting all warm and fuzzy about it all, Mike whisks Natalie away to the bedroom and then goes into way too much detail in the confessional about how Natalie is his tigress. I pray her mom doesn’t hear this!
Anna, 38 (Bellevue, Nebraska) and Mursel, 38 (Turkey)
Anna has had a difficult few weeks with Mursel getting acclimated to America. I don’t know why she thinks this week will be any better. They are still communicating via what is essentially text message. He doesn’t want to admit that her kids exist to his parents. And, worst of all, he doesn’t like American pizza. This relationship is doomed, friends.
So to take some of the stress off, Anna decides that the best thing they can do is…..beekeep. It’s what brought them together, after all. Too bad they can’t use the translator app with their beekeeping suits on. But, either way, we can see very clearly that Anna is insecure about Mursel’s superior beekeeping skills. Even so, she’s getting all hot and bothered watching her man smoke out those bees and scrape that honey. She sneaks a kiss in during their talk with producers and Mursel is nothing short of uncomfortable. He practically tries to smoke her out with bee smoke just to keep her away.
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Once they have officially de-stressed, it’s time to get re-stressed by dragging Mursel to a wedding shower planned by Anna’s friend. On the car ride over, she makes sure to tell him that he needs to try and communicate with her friends and not be on his phone, which is totally attainable considering they can’t even communicate between the two of them.
At the party, things don’t go much better. Mursel struggles to understand everyone and Anna doesn’t really help him out. Anna admits to her friend that she’s frustrated Mursel doesn’t seem to understand her and when she thinks he does, he’s just nodding yes even when he doesn’t.
Every episode I watch, I hate Anna more and more. Now she is giving this man a hard time because he doesn’t understand her, even though she knew full well that he didn’t speak English when she brought him over here. She treats him like a child. And given how she treats her own children, that’s not a compliment.
Tania, 29 (Colchester, Connecticut) and Syngin, 29 (South Africa)
Tania Too Hype is ready to move past that one day she spent alone with Syngin, arguing about everything she wanted to accomplish in life with or without him. Now, it’s time to hit the ground running. And by “running,” I mean “remodeling.” They are going straight to Connecticut to move into their shed/home.
Too Hype oversold and under-delivered on this one. Syngin was expecting the whole thing to be done, like she told him. But, instead, he walks into a disaster (which is pretty typical for a SHED). He’s frustrated and rightfully so. He traveled halfway around the world to live with this woman and she couldn’t even clear the boxes off the floor and throw some sheets on the bed. Syngin says it’s time to sleep on the sofa inside the house and start fresh in the morning. For once, Tania isn’t going to get her way on this one.
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The next day, she starts early with the nagging, trying to oversee every little thing that Syngin does, despite being the one that got them into this mess. Syngin tries to stay in good spirits, but his patience is thinning. And he finally snaps at her when she won’t even let him get through using a power tool without interrupting. Even though she promised him this would all be done, she makes the excuse that she couldn’t be expected to do it all considering she did all the paperwork to get him here. I don’t know what one thing has to do with the other. Syngin worries about how controlling Too Hype’s personality is. And then, he gets back to working on the shed before Too Hype notices he’s taking a break.
Blake, 29 (Los Angeles, California) and Jasmine, 27 (Helsinki, Finland)
Time to meet our newest couple – Blake and Jasmine. Blake lives at home with his mom and admits that in his past relationships, he’s been kind of naive. He was married at 19, divorced by 23, and eventually went on a dating site where he met Jasmine. By the time he fell for her, he found out she was actually living in Finland and not L.A. Never mind that, he hopped a flight to Finland. And by the third trip, he was ready to propose. A lot of people, including his mom, are skeptical about the relationship (are we noticing a pattern with our couples?) and are worried he’s going to get taken advantage of. On top of that, Blake’s mom doesn’t think Jasmine is going to come all the way to L.A. and settle for a broke guy living with his mom. Fair enough.
Blake heads to the airport to pick up Jasmine but on the way, stops to grab Janette, her sister. Apparently, Janette lives just ten minutes from Blake after applying for and being selected for the green card lottery a year ago. Jasmine also applied, but didn’t win and ahhh, we see what’s going on now. The 90 Day Fiance producer eggs Blake on, asking how crazy it is that he just so happened to meet a girl in Finland with a sister living right down the road thanks to the green card lottery. Yes, Blake admits, it’s crazy. Then, he stares off past the camera, knowing full well even he can’t convince us he’s not being used.
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At the airport, Jasmine arrives and is the least excited person to even show up on this program. She greets both Blake and her beloved sister with a “hey.” Then, she wanders outside, where she complains that it’s hot out. Janette leaves and Blake and Jasmine head to a hotel he rented for a few days so they could have some privacy. All that living with your parents can really get in the way of romance, ammirite?
So they get to the hotel and Blake clearly has something on his mind. So does Jasmine – a shower and sleep. As disinterested as she seems, I’m willing to cut her a break since she just got off a very long flight and is likely jet-lagged beyond belief. Blake has no choice but to cut her the same break and play with some kind of wooden baby toy while she showers. Probably just like at mom’s house!
TELL US – DO YOU THINK JULIANA AND SARAH WILL GET ALONG? IS ANNY OVERREACTING? IS JASMINE USING BLAKE TO BE CLOSE TO HER SISTER? SOUND OFF BELOW!
[Photo Credit: TLC]
