Ahhhh… Bravo is starting the holiday season off early with the gift of Tamra Judge‘s web of deceit, dishonestly, and backstabbing being unraveled! I probably shouldn’t get too excited though because knowing how Real Housewives Of Orange County rolls, Tamra will somehow find a way to get out of this. Snakes can fit through the smallest crevices, after all!
It all starts with Tamra and Shannon Beador heading to dinner with Kelly Dodd. Their plan is to confront Kelly for her comment that the only time she’ll celebrate Vicki Gunvalson is at Vicki’s funeral. Shannon is devastated that Kelly is so callous and diabolical with her words (as if she didn’t have a phony funeral for her marriage a couple seasons back!), but suddenly Tamra – who started all this drama – plays devil’s advocate (cause she’s the devil!) that Kelly has a right to be angry given all the horrible things Vicki has said about her like that train rumor (which Tamra shared with the group many times over)! And most recently when Vicki reveled how Kelly tried to throw her mama from the train. Or was it stairs? Deetails-Schmeetails!
Shannon never gets a clue. Her friendship with Tamra is a perpetual game of hot potato. Every time Tamra shrieks “CATCH!” Shannon holds out her hands and gets burned and curses herself for not wearing hot pads. But then, she reaches for the scorching potato again. Shannon should know better – potatoes are nothing but carbs. STARCHY CARBS. And not in the QVC frozen food plan for ultimate dieting! Oh and, Shannon wants her daughters breathalyzed and randomly drug tested while she’s out of town visiting “Babe.” Don’t worry – Shannon also hired a babysitter. But, don’t tell mom the babysitter’s dead after raiding the stash of crystals.
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If Shannon is busy playing Hot Potato with her heart, Kelly lives in Freaky Friday. Jolie is once again parenting her mom as Kelly struggles to understand the basics of dog food and friendship. Jolie agrees that Kelly did nothing wrong in skipping Vicki’s party, but does not think Kelly should feed their elderly dog leftover chicken noodle soup because she’s out of kibble. Kelly probably ate the kibble confusing it for chocolate people food.
Then Kelly, in her sunny yellow blazer, goes off to face her doom for dinner with Shannon and Tamra. OK was this restaurant in a cave? Or is Tamra a black cloud that spreads over everything? Also what in the everlasting fuck were Tamra and Shannon’s BLATANT lies?! One look at Shannon and she knew Tamra was lying the entire time. However, instead of speaking up, Shannon kept making fish lips and repeating everything that came out of Tamra’s mouth.
It all starts when Kelly shares that Braunwyn Windham-Burke called her after Vicki’s party to report that everyone was talking crap about her Instagram breakup with Dr. Brian. Tamra immediately insists that Braunwyn is the one who brought it up and told everyone Kelly started a fight with Brian in front of his son. They decide to call Braunwyn, who tries (in vain) to set the record straight that she did not in fact bring it up. She was only trying to explain what happened. However, Tamra, victim in her own mind, won’t let Braunwyn speak!
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Tamra keeps calling Braunwyn a liar and accuses her of not owning her shit. Kudos to Braunwyn for not immediately backing down, like Tamra so totally expected. Braunwyn wasn’t drinking at that party so her memory was crystal, instead of Cristal! Um, what does Tamra’s ‘faith’ think of all this lying?! #SatanIsConfusing…
Then Tamra instructs Kelly to hang up on Braunwyn. In was actually SHANNON who brought up Kelly getting in the bar fight with some woman over Brian — which Shannon heard from Tamra. Who apparently was told by Kelly in confidence and wasn’t supposed to repeat this due to potential litigation!
After the call with Braunwyn, karma comes a’knockin’ when Shannon accidentally reveals that Tamra told her about the woman with the broken hand. Kelly spazzes. She’s not sure what to believe: Tamra/Shannon? Braunwyn? Should she just put all her faith in tacos being good on Tuesday? Or are all her friends Mondays? Kelly starts to cry, so Shannon and Tamra immediately flip everything into how they’re just being good friends, looking out for her and wanting her to be the best Kelly she can be!
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The next day, Braunwyn goes paddle boarding with Emily Simpson. First of all Emily is so cute in her swimsuit. Haters wish they had such a banging booty. Second of all, Braunwyn has really figured out how to play this Housewife game fast, hasn’t she? She tells Emily about the call with Kelly and Tamra. Emily advises her not to backdown from fights or she will be blamed for everything.
Braunwyn decides she doesn’t want to let Tamra win, or sacrifice her friendship with Kelly, so she arranges a dinner where she invites everyone BUT Tamra (and Gina Kirschenheiter, but really who cares!). Braunwyn also asks Emily to back her in explaining to Kelly what really happened at the tea party. Emily is a lawyer – she’s obviously good at telling the truth, right!
Gina skipped all the fun during this Real Housewives of Orange County episode to go get counseling after sexing up Matt. Gina admits she regrets the indiscretion but feels stuck between wanting to have the perfect, in-tact family for her kids, and wanting what’s best for her. Also Matt is triyng to make Gina feel guilty for not getting over his affair. He is now acting like she’s the one responsible for breaking up their family. Matt is a POS. Although I seriously dislike Gina, she’s lucky to be getting away from him. If only her friend Emily would take note!
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Personally, I think Gina just doesn’t want to have to get a job and wrangle three kids on her own. If she goes through with the divorce, she’ll be forced to reconcile with that reality.
Meanwhile, Emily and Shane go to dinner where he taunts her with the breadbasket after she tells him she’s trying to eat healthy. I would’ve shoved a pane Italiano up his nose. But, instead, Emily just looks mournful as she munches an asparagus. Emily is probably pretending that asparagus was Shane’s dick!
Emily proposes they go back to couple’s counseling because they need to stop fighting in front of their kids. Instead of agreeing that they need help, Shane accuses Emily of being the reason they stopped counseling to begin with. Then, he announces he’s done talking about it. He also ordered French Fries as an appetizer to sabotage Emily!
Emily is so tired and fed up, it’s heartbreaking. LEAVE THIS LOSER. Do that for your kids!
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Finally, the time comes for Braunwyn’s big dinner plans. Self-producing doesn’t usually happen until a Housewife is in her 3rd season. So, Braunwyn’s quite the overachiever. Still, drastic times – like defeating Tamra! – call for drastic measures. Kelly arrives first, followed by Braunwyn. After an awkward few seconds, Kelly apologizes for biting Braunwyn’s head off. Proving she’s serious about staying on task, Braunwyn doesn’t even order a drink but sticks to sparkling water (in a glass).
When everyone else arrives, they immediately get down to the business of dissecting what happened at the tea party. Emily definitely plays the role of Braunwyn’s chief counsel by arguing that TAMRA and Shannon are responsible for bringing up Kelly’s relationship issues! On the witness stand, Braunwyn exonerates herself. Then, she reveals that it was TAMRA who first revealed the train rumor, not Vicki. Although Tamra certainly let Vicki get hung out to dry. Why is Vicki pathetic enough to allow this?
Even Kelly seems impressed at how smooth and professional Tamra’s manipulation game is. And it is professional, which is the problem. She is phony as a $3 dollar bill and has gone way, WAY overboard with the grafting of her own storyline.
Emily insists that Braunwyn defended Kelly, and even specified that she and Brian did not have a fight in front of his son. Kelly is relieved, and apologizes, but is shocked and appalled that she ever went against her gut to trust Tamra again. Time and time again, Kelly has questioned Tamra’s loyalty. And it turns out even Vicki is more faithful! Emily is all too eager to co-sign Tamra’s two-facedness. The smirk on her face is so radiant you’d think she was using this Tamra Takedown to work out her anger at Shane!
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It suddenly dawns on Emily that Gina only accused her of arranging a fake date after she spoke with Tamra. Instead of Tamra diffusing the situation, she used it to her advantage to further alienate Gina and Emily, thus gaining more control over Gina. The problem with Tamra is that she doesn’t take into account that some of these women are actually smart. Sure, Gina and Vicki are braindead. Shannon is just so desperate to be liked and included she’ll put up with anything. However, Braunwyn and Emily are intelligent, and they are starting to see the angle here of how to gain the upper hand. Kelly is definitely smart enough to look out for her own advantage!
The entire time Emily and Braunwyn are making these accusations, Shannon is just munching and sipping, wide-eyed. Just as she speaks up to defend Tamra, Kelly issues a crushing blow: Tamra has been talking maaaaaaad shit about Shannon too! She’s accused her of being a make-out slut. She complains about how melodramatic and needy she is. She even sent Kelly a video of a woman overreacting to being hit and accused Shannon of faking her injury when Kelly gonged her in Arizona.
Then Kelly reveals the ultimate betrayal – Tamra has been talking about how Shannon is gaining weight again! A steady diet of margaritas, no matter how ‘skinny,’ will do that! Does Shannon have a bowl on her heart? Cause it feels like someone is taking a mallet to it!
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Shannon is shocked that after all the work she and Tamra did repairing their friendship from last year, Tamra would be so callous. “She’s two-faced,” Kelly explains, patiently, “That’s just her nature. It’s who she is!” And what she is – a two-headed snake.
Shannon isn’t sure what to think. But Braunwyn and Emily do. They offer to support Shannon any old time she wants to confront Tamra about the lies and manipulations. Because it’s just like Braunwyn said: Tamra talks about everyone else to keep them all fighting amongst themselves; leaving her alone.
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I must say it’s rather refreshing to see all Tamra’s so-called friends hate her as much as I do. It is well deserved and this karma is a long, LONG time coming. Isn’t it lucky for us that Bravo editors have all the receipts to back up Tamra’s shit – too bad the other women don’t have the privilege of our bird’s-eye view until months later! Eh, they all know in their hearts that Tamra can’t be trusted.
TELL US – DOES TAMRA DESERVE TO BE CALLED OUT? DO YOU TRUST BRAUNWYN? DO YOU THINK SHANNON WILL STAND UP FOR HERSELF?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
