Last night’s season finale of Below Deck Mediterranean was a tale of too little, too late backhanded compliments. I still think we need a reunion (and I’m super curious about the real reason that’s not happening, but unfortunately I’m not the one in charge over at Bravo) because one of the biggest questions I want answered is why Captain Sandy Yawn turned suddenly on Hannah Ferrier in the last gasps of the season.
Was it just an amalgamation of so many lazy moments that built up for Sandy? Was Sandy tired of feeling like Hannah wasn’t hearing her demands? Was Sandy influenced by Ben Robinson‘s opinion of Hannah?
But, seriously, why is Sandy – on the last day, of the last charter – upset that table is not set at 5am? Meanwhile the deck crew is just twiddling their thumbs. They put the slide up, they take the slide down, you do the jet ski pokey and you shake your whizz all around… Like what guest is going to wake up, and before they’ve had coffee, decide to take a brisk jet ski ride or slip down the slide?
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Ben agrees with Sandy that the table should be set first thing in the morning… Which makes me think BEN put in Sandy’s head that the guests should wake up to a set table.
Furious at Hannah and wanting to make a shady point, Sandy pulls Joao Franco aside to compliment him on understanding the difference between the Sirocco and a Carnival Cruise. Suddenly Joao is Sandy Jr. She’s sending him to captain training school? Joao has passion. Sandy has passion… Hannah has what’s the opposite of passion? Laissez-Faire?
Anastasia Surmava‘s table setting looks gorgeous — except for the price tag on the bottom of the box that was never removed. Details, girls, details. #TwoDifferentDefitionsOfService. Sandy is amazed, but she’s not impressed that she has to “come down on Hannah” to get a table which doesn’t look like an AVN banquet at the Hustler Club. Balloons made of condoms, and all! Anastasia, of course, KNEW the guests would love it, even without her message in a bottle ordering them to praise her.. or else! Or else what? She’d sic the Georgian Food Mafia on them?
All effort is wasted though because Sandy is distracted by a yacht on fire and docking drama that she isn’t even listening to the radio when Hannah and Anastasia do an orchestrated brag about how much the guests loved the table. Table Decor, table Decor, Sandy…
Jack Stirrup jokes with Joao about whether or not he should have been fired and if Joao would work with him again. Actually Jack would only work with Joao if he’s allowed to be in charge. But truly it’s Jack and Travis Michalzik who need their own couple name. Bravo really needs a show called “Around The World With Jack & Trav”
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Alas Hannah is no longer invited to Hermosa for a mimosa with Dreary Dan, but she can’t even think of romance with semi-wealthy suitors at a time like this because she’s so bent out of shape about Sandy criticizing her.
“I have a lot of respect for Hannah as a friend. Professionally, not so much,” drones Ben. “I’m driven by this challenging job,” elaborates the man who whined about everything from the moment he walked onto Sirocco and cannot wait to get off this boat to go back to his cakewalk catering career. But, sure, Ben – you’re the expert on professional satisfaction!
And making sure he can lap up very public praise, Ben literally descends upon the guests to beg for compliments by asking what the guests’ “favorite” bite was. By the sound of things it was Eggs Benedict. You know the dish of traitors. Ala the perfect dish to illustrate Ben.
No one is more thrilled to leave this boat than Colin Macy-O’Toole. He’s been dreaming of meatballs, literally licking the air in in front of his face in his sleep; dreaming of the polluted ferry air and the smell of diesel fuel mixed with Febreeze, Mommy’s Bath & Body Works Pumpkin Spice body spray, and lasagna. Soon, Colly, Soon…
Joao may be mourning his deep and meaningful friendship with Colin, but Colin has thoughts only of a deep and meaningful dive into pot of sauce!
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Captain Sandy manages to find a dock that will have them. She backs that boat’s giant ass up (her yacht parallel parking skills impress the natives far less the second time) and the guests are off. Instead of celebrating, Hannah is crying. She feels backhanded by Sandy insulting her service skills and professionalism.
Hannah is practically vomiting as she awaits an inevitable final talking-to from Sandy, probably aided and abetted by the little bug in Sandy’s ear called Ben. Sandy always seems to need a reason to be unhappy. Maybe it’s how she keeps the crew on their toes, but a few charters back she was disappointed in deck crew and insulting Joao’s ability to make his team work effectively, now she’s cry-hugging that his passion and dedication would be an incredible captain. Sandy even sets Joao up with an interview with someone named Skippy. I don’t even believe this isn’t a cheeseball movie from 1985 about the yachting life saving some nerdy outcast from the torment of the popular kids. The only thing lacking is the cheerleader (or in the case of Zim, maybe the rhino wrangler?) who falls in love with him.
With Joao in the good books Sandy is salty at interior for not thinking like a Pinterest page. Is Sandy wrong? For Hannah it’s more about all the effort she put into sucking up building a personal relationship with Sandy this season, only to have it be lost the second Ben waltzed on board wagging a chef’s knife full of double-edged jabs.
Of course Sandy wants to speak to Hannah following the tip meeting. First she praises Hannah for doing a good job all season, then informs her that she’ll never make it in this business because clearly cleaning toilets isn’t her passion. Hannah argues that giving the guests the ultimate experience is where her true skills lie, and in an effort to always place priority on that, other details – like perfect tables – have slipped. Well, I would argue that this is not even true! Prior to this season Hannah often struggled to put the guests’ needs before her own. She managed to improve this season probably because Travis turned out to be such an alky mess and she realized it was a lost cause to have any sort of romantic liaison with him.
I will agree with Sandy that being a chief stew isn’t Hannah’s passion and it’s time for her to move on, but Bravo being Bravo, we’ll be seeing this same boring, recycled drama play out again next season. Proof being that the last words Sandy says to Hannah before she departs is that she’d love to work with her agin. Why, if Sandy’ not happy and they have totally different ideas about what service is about? Like Hannah said she’s done all she can…
Hannah is heartsick by Sandy’s speaking the truth words and cries to Anastasia and Aesha Scott about how disrespected and under-appreciated she feels. She’s not even in the mood to go out with the crew for a final dinner. Even to a fantastic restaurant where Sandy is paying!
Despite the tension things start out so well (Travis is even keeping his drinking in check) until Sandy asks the crew to go around the table, summer camp-style, to list their favorite and least favorite experiences from the season. It’s a lot of puff answers until she comes to Aesha who states that her least favorite thing was interior not getting the praise they deserved. Sandy is rankled. After all, she spent the better half of said season gushing all over them, and just this afternoon told Aesha what a pleasure it has been to work with her. Sandy practically throes down her napkin and storms away from the table after that. Let’s hope she paid the bill first! Hannah quietly smirks, triumphantly. I guess this is yet another downside of the interior crew being so lovey-dovey with each other: they will also have each other’s backs when it counts!
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The second Sandy is out of earshot the true Joao comes out. This is his MO: if people don’t agree with him and Sandy’s back is turned, he morphs into a Zim version of Two-Face, and Aesha seems to be his favorite target now that he’s pretending to respect Hannah. Apparently Joao’s now appointed himself the bodyguard for Sandy’s ego. He stabs his espresso martini to illustrate how Sandy is being treated and snaps, “So cool going against the captain, you fucking hero.” Ugh – I cannot stand Joao! He has not changed! And so cool lashing out at your co-workers in an effort to be a hero for Sandy, you ass. People are allowed to have different experiences. And he’s NO ONE to talk about appropriate behavior given all his antics last season. Joao also really needs to get help for his disgusting misogyny if he expects to make it in any professional career.
The bubble of good humor is burst as everyone awkwardly tries to diffuse the situation. Hannah pulls Aesha aside as she knows full-well about Jezabob! It really irritated me that Jack never said anything in Aesha’s defense!
The high point of Travis‘ season has been his friendship with Jack. Maybe that’s the highpoint of his life, actually. To cement their bond to bromance they decide to sleep out under the stars together. Without Aesha. Travis literally feels as if Aesha has stolen Jack from her, while Aesha considers herself the cream in a Track sandwich. I’m not sure which is weirder and more uncomfortable, but I’m just glad it’s not me.
And then it’s the final day! Colin packs up so fast heads are spinning as he runs off board, with tears streaming down his face, composing a rap to ultimate goodbyes to rocking boats. Ben is ready to return to dry land and working burners, but departs by gifting Anastasia a fancy chef’s knife as a gift. It was probably engraved to stabbing people in the back. Aesha and Jack leave together; making amends with Captain Sandy before waltzing off together into the blinding sun and stumbling to a bar. Travis was probably already waiting.
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Travis says he’s headed back to Australia for his first vacation in 2 years and he cannot wait for this much-needed rehab respite. Joao is hopefully off to greener pastures outside of the Bravoverse, but I’m positive we’ll see him back in some sort of captain training capacity. In fact I predict next season will either be Joao and Aesha. Or Jack and Aesha, because spoiler alert: they’ve broken up!! That’s right, Aesha posted an IG story explaining that she wanted to go back to NZ to start her life, while Jack wanted to remain in Europe, bumming around. He’s now living in Italy, dating some ‘stylist’ who is very WAG-esque and tartily dressed. See – this is why we need a reunion! I want more information about what happened with those two, if anyone keeps in touch with June, etc. (I’m predicting June returns next season, btw!)
Last to leave the boat is Hannah, who is still emotional about Sandy insulting her work ethic. Maybe Aesha’s words made an impact, or maybe production intervened, because Sandy gives Hannah a big ol’ classic hug and let’s Hannah know she’d be happy to work with her again. Below Deck Mediterranean really does need a new chief stew though!
TELL US – DID HANNAH DESERVE THE CRITIQUE? DID AESHA GO TOO FAR WITH HER COMMENT TO CAPTAIN SANDY? WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE BACK NEXT SEASON?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
