I’m not saying that Real Housewives of New Jersey is recycling old storylines and creating manufactured drama, but I’m not NOT going to say that. I guess it’s the curse of all of the long-running franchises, but sheesh! Joe Gorga, spend time with your dad. It will appease your sister Teresa Giudice. And she’ll go easier on your wife Melissa Gorga. However, what will become of your wife’s storyline if this happens? Also, newbies, stop trying so hard to be relevant. The pot stirring, the Chanel obsession, the article writing! Jackie Goldschneider and Jennifer Aydin are overachievers in this department. I guess they learned from watching the likes of Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub (except for the writing part). Exhausted, party of one here!
Back from Bimini, the women are easing back into their daily Jersey routines which includes coffee for Margaret Josephs and lots of screaming kids for the others. Dolores is still harping on ex-husband and roommate Frank Catania for omitting his whole “I got disbarred” conversation from their narrative. Across town, Jackie is lunching with Melissa who is stressing over the party she’s throwing for her son Joey’s first communion. Haven’t the Gorgas learned to keep their drama out of the church, especially where Joey is concerned? Jackie questions the status of Melissa and Tre’s relationship. Then, Melissa shares they two reconciled in Bimini. Jackie reveals that she’s sought the counsel of Dolores, but she’s not yet willing to extend the olive branch. Melissa hopes that Jackie will make her life easier by being the bigger person. Obviously, she knows she can’t count on Teresa for that!
Jennifer and her mother are shopping for a dress for her brother’s soon-to-be betrothed. They’ve only met this girl a few times, but she needs fancy, conservative dresses with some Louboutins. It’s the culture. Jennifer loves the culture, but she has one complaint. In her culture, she’s not comfortable expressing her concerns to her husband because he is such a hard worker. All he does is criticize her for her parenting tactics of spoiling the kids, but she can’t argue since he’s the bread winner. Her mother won’t hear a word of it. The husband is always right…especially when he’s providing such a lavish lifestyle.
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Wait, why is Teresa bringing Milania Giudice to meet with music producers for some rapper I can’t Google? Fetty Wap? I’m surely spelling his moniker incorrectly. Oh, wait, that’s right! Anyhoo, Teresa has enlisted this producer to work with Milania in hopes of relieving some of the pain her daughter encounters with her father “away”. Milania has been rapping, but she has a difficult time with the singing. Thankfully, there is a team of people ready to get her to the next level. Props to this team, and I do think Melania needs this outside attention. Desperately.
Joe Gorga meets Frank for lunch so that Dolores can use her mouth piece to work for Teresa. The men make small talk about Danielle’s wedding, failing businesses, and lying to their (ex) wives before Frank starts lecturing about Joe’s lack of time with Giacinto Gorga, aka Nonno. Joe recognizes he needs to put forth more effort.
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Meanwhile, Margaret is revamping her website with a photo shoot. She’s having a hard time dealing with family tension with her ex-husband’s family (one of whom is her photographer for this shoot), and she’s trying to mend fences. If she can’t reunite her ex’s family members, at least she can wear lots of pink and pose like Saturday Night Fever.
The following day, Dolores and Frank are doing son Frankie’s laundry. Dolores feigns disgust at a bell her son has at college that says, “Ring for a blow job.” Frank interrupts to read an op-ed written by Jackie about “a friend” who spoils her children. Dolores decides to call Jennifer about the article. Jennifer doesn’t get the paper, but a quick Google search later, she’s livid. Joey’s communion should be fun. Poor kid. At Joey’s post-communion donut bash, all of the Garden State is convening to celebrate Joey’s standing in the church and fight about a bunch of stupid shiz. Case in point? Jackie, Teresa, and Jennifer…in no particular order. Joe Gorga is making his best efforts to bond with his father, while Tre gets body-building advice from Frank.
Jennifer and family descend on the event. Then she gets a quick recap on Bimini from Teresa. After, Jennifer clutches her chest in betrayal as she recounts Jackie’s column in a paper that is a step down from the Times. On cue, Jackie arrives, hoping to avoid Teresa with every fiber of her being…without even realizing that she should fear Jennifer more. Teresa warns that Jackie should never utter a word about husbands or children. A clueless Jackie is all smiles. Meanwhile, Dolores sits back with her popcorn. How could Jackie not know that she’s pissed off the two scariest women in Jersey?
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Jackie approaches Jennifer as if nothing is wrong, so Jennifer decides to set the record straight. Sure, Jennifer’s name was never mentioned, and maybe Jackie never said that Jennifer’s kids were spoiled, but still. Jackie defends the article as complimentary and truthful–Jennifer does have multiple thrones in her house. However, Jennifer found the whole tone of the piece to be judgmental.
Once again, Joey Gorga is overshadowed by silliness while Joe’s voice cracks. All the kids needs is a mic to diffuse all of the ridiculousness. On the veranda, Jackie reads her piece to Margaret and Melissa. Marge is beside herself. Is it as bad as Jennifer thinks? Nope. Did Jennifer even read it all the way through? Margaret finds it hilarious and slightly shady…shady as hell. Inside, Jennifer wants to know who will be Jackie’s next victim. Jackie determines that a conversation with Teresa is her best bet. Rookie mistake. As the women slink back into their arguments, I’m reminded yet again why Joey Gorga can’t have nice things.
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TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WAS THE ARTICLE SHADY OR JUST JACKIE’S OPINION?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
