It’s not an actual Bravo reunion unless someone storm off stage, right? After last week’s Southern Charm reunion installment, I had high (as in elevated, not on something) hopes for the final hour. In response to Landon Clements giddily calling out Kathryn Dennis for failing a court ordered drug test, Kathryn high tails it to the saloon, kicking up tumbleweeds in her wake. Okay, so she really just barricades herself in her dressing room. She is finally cajoled out of hiding by a producer, worried that this type of chatter from her cast mates could affect her custody battle with Thomas Ravenel, as Cameran Eubanks, Landon, and Whitney Sudler-Smith complain to Andy that this is how it is to have to film with her for the show.
Kathryn returns to the stage as quickly as she fled, giving Andy Cohen a big “no comment” to any questions about said drug test. When T-Rav interjects to educate us on how far back the hair follicle test can check for illegal substances, Kathryn counters that he didn’t take the same test she took. His test wasn’t as far-reaching as to how many months back it could indicate drug use, and he shaved his entire body to make sure he couldn’t give a body hair sample (which apparently can detect use up to six months prior, as opposed to hair from one’s scalp). Science!
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Andy asks if Kathryn would like to clear up any misconceptions about the custody dispute, and she asserts that she hates that people think she’s being, what’s the word, um, “uncooperative” (Thank you, Shepard “Shep” Rose!) in denying Thomas’ offers. As she rambles about her budget and what is necessary to provide for her and the children, she seems to have a very hard time grasping the words she wants to use. Regardless, T-Rav short changed her. Thomas responds that the pair was never married but she gave him two beautiful children. While he certainly wants them (and Kathryn) to be well cared for, he’s not going to provide her with a life of leisure. Kathryn interrupts to remind him that he proposed, like, seven times and they, like, designed a ring, before sitting back with a smug look. Is it necessary for Landon to take so much pleasure in this train wreck?
A viewer cites that many single mothers live on far less than the $2500/month in child support that Thomas has proposed, and that’s without a prepaid corral of nannies. Thomas interjects to remind Kathryn that he also pays her rent…and where she’s living isn’t cheap. Kathryn doesn’t expect T-Rav to take care of her, but her full time job needs to be as a stay-at-home-mom (so, those nannies, then?), and he needs to provide for them. She also has her own money making scheme in the works…she’s making vintage chokers and selling them online. As mean as Landon‘s snicker is at this moment, I’m not going to say I didn’t almost do the same. That said, because I am a snarky, soulless biotch, there are few things with this blogging job that have ever made me feel “ew” (and by “ew” I mean watching such a downward spiral a la Kim Richards on RHOBH), but I am feeling “ew” and we’re barely five minutes into the hour.
Another fan calls out Kathryn for lying to Andy on Watch What Happens Live, noting she told him she wasn’t pregnant at last season’s reunion. However, on the show, Kathryn’s positive pregnancy tests are labeled with date prior to the reunion. Kathryn dismisses the viewer as sketchy for paying such close attention to her pee sticks and then opines randomly about Thomas’ doubts and not knowing their status as a couple. I silently will her (as if I was watching it live, and my telepathy skillz were on point) to just say, “Yeah, I lied. It wasn’t any of your business, Andy, you ol’ coot!” But no. At this point, even Landon seems to feel badly for her (or perhaps she’s just bored), and Craig Conover assists by saying perhaps Kathryn didn’t want to say anything in the event she planned to make a different choice as to this pregnancy. If looks could kill, Kathryn just beheaded Craig with her side-eye.
Andy brings up Kathryn‘s meltdown at the polo match, and she explains that one of Thomas‘ skeevy friends and enablers was in attendance (pony-tailed porn boy, of course!), and she didn’t want Kensie around him. Craig redeems himself by agreeing–if it had been just Kathryn, she wouldn’t have taken issue with this seedy character, but she had her daughter with her. Kathryn adds that seeing JD and Elizabeth for the first time in months only intensified the awkwardness.
Thomas defends Kathryn against a viewer’s accusation that she lied about pregnancy complications to get him to cosign her lease, and he apologizes for not being more staunch in standing up to his friends (cough, cough, JD) who insinuated the same. Andy wonders if Landon feels badly for constantly repeating that Kathryn used her children as a ploy to manipulate Thomas after getting so much hate for the comment on the interwebs. Nope. Landon stands by what she said, and Kathryn applauds her for owning her nastiness. Craig once again attempts to play mediator by blaming Landon’s statement on her frustration after hearing the initial call from Jennifer Snowden about Kathryn’s hospital stay. Before anyone can say anything else, T-Rav jumps in to say that while he wasn’t Jennifer’s biggest fan this season (understatement, much?), he has changed his tune after learning that the baby she is carrying may suffer from permanent defects. Thomas has a brother with Down Syndrome, and he thinks it speaks volumes of Jennifer’s character that she is carrying the child to term despite warnings from her doctors.
Despite the drama, Andy is still rooting for Kathryn and Thomas. Craig believes they’ll end up together in a decade or so, and Shep jokingly compares the duo to Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. Landon coos in agreement that they’re her favorite Hollywood couple, and Kathryn chastises her for commenting on her relationship with Thomas. “Isn’t this fun?” Landon chirps to Andy. Jennifer joins the group on the sofa and Andy wonders about the father. Jennifer teases he’s wonderful without revealing his identity. She states that Kathryn has been a wealth of knowledge and support throughout her pregnancy, before joking that she’s carrying T-Rav’s baby. Her comment leads Andy to inquire eighteen different ways if Jennifer and T-Rav ever had sex. Jennifer refuses to answer, and Shep finds her friendship with Kathryn strange given Thomas’ involvement with them both. Jennifer maintains that despite what did (or didn’t) happen with Thomas, she never did anything wrong, and Kathryn concurs. She blames Thomas for his indiscretions, not the girls he’s bedding.
Shep compares Kathryn’s loyalty to Jennifer to her disdain for Landon. Shouldn’t she have the same reaction to both girls? Kathryn says the difference is that Landon purposely does things in an attempt to anger her. Jennifer advises Landon not to post pictures of her with T-Rav when she knows they are incendiary to Kathryn. Landon isn’t going to stop posting pictures of her friends on social media just to appease Kathryn, but Kathryn believes she’s only doing it to get a reaction. Thomas has said as much himself! Cameran says if the couple isn’t going to reconcile, they are going to need to get used to seeing the other with someone else.
Thomas apologizes for his treatment of Jennifer at Patricia Altschul‘s flamingo party. Jennifer explains she wasn’t aware of Thomas’ “Jennifer or me” ultimatum to Kathryn until the show aired, but she certainly doesn’t blame Kathryn for keeping her distance if it meant patching things up with Thomas. Andy shares with Jennifer that T-Rav said some very nice things about her before she joined them on stage. She admits to hearing the support of her co-stars and gets teary about being seen the villain. It’s nice to hear otherwise from the cast. Thomas offers a handkerchief, but Jennifer is hesitant to use it–it’s probably Hermes! Being pregnant herself, she also now realizes why it was so important for Thomas to keep Kathryn from getting so upset while carrying Julien.
Whitney becomes the focus of the discussion and admits to spending the majority of his time in Los Angeles. His girlfriend Larissa was supposed to move in with him but she hasn’t yet. Whitney gets uncomfortable when Andy mentions rumors of a break up, sputtering that they took a break because they were both so busy, but things are good. Ironically, Kathryn rescues Whitney from this mild interrogation by interrupting to compliment Larissa and what a great girl she is. Whitney says that he still occasionally hangs out with Thomas, but their time together is usually dictated by T-Rav’s relationship status with Kathryn.
When the conversation turns Thomas‘ epic dinner party, the host with the theater quotes gets a tad sheepish. He admits to including Landon in hopes that she and Kathryn could be friends. Kathryn claims to have wanted to same, but Landon reminds her that she locked T-Rav in the nursery, forcing him to climb out the window, when she learned of Landon’s invitation to the event. Kathryn refutes Landon’s allegations, simply saying she blocked T-Rav’s exit so she could finish her thought without him leaving in a flurry. She wanted to fix her issues with Landon without Thomas having to get involved.
Andy questions Cameran’s decision to attend the dinner after avoiding both Kathryn and Thomas all season, and she answers that she believed it would be a good way to see if the couple was making the positive progress they claimed. Cameran admits to being terrified by T-Rav’s erratic and aggressive behavior. However, she concedes that she may sometimes come across as judgmental. Shep just finds it hilarious Craig didn’t know the definition of the word “sanctimonious.”
Moving on to Thomas‘ tirade against Landon, she confesses that she was excited to see Thomas finally sticking up for Kathryn. She’s never been catty. Did she really just say that with a straight face? Landon maintains she only questioned the paternity of Kathryn’s baby in a private conversation with her sister (which was being filmed) because she didn’t grow up knowing those kind of girls. Like Pat said (she should get that tattooed somewhere), who knows actual folks who have a reason to have paternity called into doubt? Shep still blames Thomas for calling out Landon for upsetting Kathryn when T-Rav himself fostered the friendship that pissed off the mother of his children.
Both Thomas and Shep laugh over T-Rav’s abomination of Shepstradamus. It’s water off Shep’s back (in a speedo, of course) because he knows how fortunate he is and how crazy Thomas can become. T-Rav considers his treatment of Shep to be a wake-up call. His parents certainly raised him to behave better. Kathryn acknowledges that Thomas’ dinner party rant made her feel weirdly protected, and therefore closer, to Thomas, but Cameran crosses that he wasn’t being protective…he was in the throes of a full mental breakdown. Perhaps, laughs T-Rav. A viewer accuses Cameran of being hypocritical for bashing Craig’s ride on the hot mess express when she has Real World and Girls Gone Wild hosting antics in her past. Andy seems shocked at the GGG reference, but Cameran assures him she was only a host, and she begged the girls to keep their clothes on when it was all said and done. Touching also on Landon’s past, Andy wonders if it’s true she turned down a spot on The Hills. She did…she wanted to know herself as a person before allowing producers to create her persona on a “reality” show.
Because it was the crux of the season, Andy returns to the bitterness between Landon and Kathryn. Landon is still playing dumb as to when/where/how she was hateful to Kathryn as Kathryn ticks off Landon’s mean remarks one by one. Landon then accuses Kathryn of getting pregnant to solidify her spot on the show, and when Kathryn loses her shiz, Cameran intervenes, calling out Kathryn’s reactionary behavior. Landon and Kathryn talk over one another about the events that transpired last season at Jekyll Island as Thomas sits mutely. Landon brings up Kathryn’s hairdresser accusing Thomas of abuse, which, according to Landon, is the sole reason he lost the election. Kathryn goes ballistic, screaming at Landon “not to touch that night” because she has no clue what transpired. Andy tries to lay the smack down and change the subject. He actually scolds Landon like a child before stating, “Seriously, we’re not talking about it. It makes me want to murder myself. Stop,” to which Landon smiles brightly, “Me too.” I think she missed his intent just a tad.
When Andy brings up T-Rav’s apology to Landon post-dinner party from hell. He’s slow to admit he lied to Kathryn when he promised not to offer up a mea culpa, blaming the timing of his promise…it was after he actually apologized, and he didn’t technically apologize again. Kathryn was hurt by his admission to Landon because not only did he apologize, but he negated everything he did in standing up for her by basically calling her hard to deal with and crazy. Craig breaks it down far better than I can. Perhaps he will make an amazing lawyer…he’s certainly played the role of mediator on the reunion! Discussing Kathryn and Landon’s confrontation at Cooper Ray‘s Founder’s Ball, Craig wants to know why these girls have so much hate. We do too, Craig! We. Do. Too. Um duh! Landon totally slept with Thomas according to people that Kathryn knows. Both Landon and T-Rav deny ever even holding hands…they’ve certainly never had sex!
Thomas refuses to make eye contact when Kathryn recalls him confiding in her that Landon propositioned him when they ran into each other in London. Whitney intimates that Thomas has stuck to his story that nothing happened. Being the horrible liar T-Rav is, Whitney is sure his friend couldn’t keep that secret if he’d actually hooked up with Landon. Andy revisits some of the cast in the WWHL clubhouse–both Shep and Craig believed there were some Landon-Thomas shenanigans. Craig blames the pictures Landon posted on social media of she and Thomas as the reason he assumed they’d engaged in the mattress mambo. Andy brings up Shep’s Founder’s Ball date’s revelation at the close of this season’s finale. Shep is still shocked by her bombshell. However, like his counterparts, he can’t believe T-Rav wouldn’t have come clean by now…he’s such a bad liar! Kathryn disagrees. T-Rav can lie like a rug. Thomas backs up Kathryn’s assertion…he’s lied before, but he always admits it when he’s gotten caught. If he’d slept with Landon, he would have confessed by now.
All of this Kathryn and Landon back and forth is like beating a dead horse. Kathryn trusts no one on the stage with the exception of Craig (and Shep to a certain degree), and Landon is irritated that she has to keep defending herself. Forget the bombshell Robyn dropped–how about Whitney and Kathryn hugging it out during a commercial break after she thanked him for treating her well throughout the reunion?? Shep is still confused as to the reason for the divide between Landon and Kathryn, but he’s happy with how his life is going. Thomas is glad to have mended fences after his meltdown, although there’s still a gaping hole in his fence with Kathryn. After all of the madness, I have to say that I’ve changed my tune. I was convinced that T-Rav and Landon diddled, but I agree with the majority that they aren’t good enough liars. However, I do think Landon didn’t mind planting that seed in Kathryn’s already seedy mind. Plus, Whitney coming away with clean hands and acting relatively mature–who knew? I liked seeing that side of him!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CONCLUSION OF THE SOUTHERN CHARM REUNION? LANDON AND T-RAV–DID THEY OR DIDN’T THEY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
