Tonight on The Rachel Zoe Project, we saw Rachel Zoe and family head off to New York to do some light penthouse shopping and pow-wow with the shoe gods. Rodger Berman went on lunchy-lunch man dates, complained about his wife and shockingly didn’t work. At RZ headquarters, the employees made the most of their Rachel freedom by rolling around on fur rugs, binging on chocolate Eiffel towers and giggling about fanny pack fashion suicide.
The episode begins with Rachel and Rodger in bed snuggling. Rachel is not a fan of Rodger’s snuggles, she seizes the opportunity and conveniently brings up apartment shopping in New York. Snuggle moment immediately blows up like a grenade and Rachel is secretly pleased at her sneaky tactics to avoid physical contact with her husband. #HappilyEverAfter. The happy couple begins to bicker about everything New York related. Rachel argues that all the travel back and forth is taking its toll on her and she is at her limit. Rodger believes this is just a ploy so his fashion happy other half won’t have to make hotel bookings anymore. Realistic much?
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Back at the office Mandana and the girls are playing engagement ring swap-sies and talking about how beautiful Rodger and Rachel’s relationship is after 21 years. I’m concerned that I’m not observing the same relationship, because when I look at Rachel and Rodger I see the Maloof hoof and Nasty Nasiff 2.0 and not America’s poster couple for a happy marriage. We all know the winner of that crown is Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos anyway!
Another day, another man date. When does Rodger ever work!!!??? Rodger meets his friend Neil to b#*!h about his wife’s incessant spending and desire to purchase property in New York. Rachel calls in the middle of lunch wanting to know where he is. Rodger responds by saying he and Neil are having a little lunchy-lunch. Yep that happened. I have no words. Rodger and Neil discuss his hair. Rodger says that after looking at the Paris pictures he feels like he looks like a Columbian drug lord. I concur. Neil thinks it looks great and I choked on my wine. With friends like those who needs enemies? And with that, the Colombian drug lord hairstyle lives to see another day – courtesy of Neil the evil friend.
Back at the office Mandana informs Lauren that the whole footwear team is coming in from New York, and she can’t afford Rachel getting distracted. Mandana is having a meltdown at the thought of Rachel losing focus at such a crucial time. Lauren nods her head profusely throughout Mandana’s rant. Poor Lauren watches on in horror as Mandana’s aneurysm facial expressions increase with every Rachel rant that comes out of her mouth. I am scared that Lauren has been petrified to the point she has no words and can only nod. I don’t blame Mandana being stressed over Rachel losing focus easily, because as soon as I spotted the shoes in the office I literally died and went to shoe heaven and stopped listening to what Mandana was squawking about, so I can only imagine how difficult it would be to keep Rachel’s attention focused. I would imagine it would be similar to teaching a toddler long division. Goodluck with that aneurysm Mands!
Rodger decides to surprise Mandana with a present for holding down the fort while R2 were jetting around Paris. Mandana is miffed that Rodger canceled their meeting earlier, and Rodger back peddles saying he has just been really busy since getting back from Paris. I mean Man dates, Polo events, holding his wife’s purse and brushing that mop of hair alone would be very time consuming. Mandana opens her present and is so excited to see Rodger bought her a chocolate Eiffel Tower. Mandana calls everyone in to share her chocolate tower extravaganza, because it’s clear that chocolate of any kind, even glamorous Eiffel Tower shaped chocolate is banned from RZ headquarters, so they must devour all evidence before their queen arrives and sniffs out the sugar and carbohydrates.
Rachel and Rodger meet with Robin to discuss the progress of DreamDry Salon. Robin wants Rachel and Rodger to come out to New York and grasp where they are at construction wise. Rachel is excited about heading back to New York. However her excitement is put on pause when Robin says she cannot where black to the construction zone. Rachel looks as though someone just hit her in the face with a semi-trailer. However upon learning she can substitute leopard for black she is sedated and back to her normal neurotic self. Mild hyperventilation attack over. #LeopardisthenewBlack
The Zoe family jet over to New York where Rachel starts asking her 19 month old if he would like to live in New York because babies make family decisions now. I suppose if she is going the voting system way it could be 2 -1. Rachel’s quest to move to NY is transparent and Rodger can see right through her game. Although Rachel generally gets what she wants I think this Rachel/Rodger show down is going to be a doozey.
The family decides to stop in at Brian Atwood’s store to say hello before inspecting the construction mess that is known as – DreamDry. Rachel informs Uncle Atwood of her dream to belong to the New York zip code and then recruits him to jump on the NY ‘purchase a penthouse’ bandwagon and help push Rodger. Rachel starts to hyperventilate over Brian’s shoes and Rodger goes into cardiac arrest over Rachel’s spending. Rachel has an epiphany and realizes that Atwood shoe palace should be her new home in New York. Mine too!
Rachel and Rodger then headed off to DreamDry where; walls are falling, chairs aren’t spinning and there were no scissors in sight to fix Rodger’s mop hairstyle. All in all, DreamDry was a fail but Rachel held it together by being optimistic or naive I can’t be sure? Maybe all that shoe shopping sedated her and softened the construction blow.
Finally it’s time for apartment or penthouse shopping. Rodger says he has an open mind and will play along with Rachel’s New York dream to simply appease her for the time being. Rodger is a good liar. It’s not just Rodger who is stressed about New York apartment gate. The whole LA office is in full blown panic mode over the possibility of Rachel becoming a bi-coastal boss and they have all borrowed Mandana’s facial expressions to amp up how stressed they are. The girls get together and mimic Rachel's catch phrases, and ‘ermagerd’ they best parrots I ever did hear! The team starts to get serious about the New York apartment hunt, and evidently Rachel being bi-coastal won’t just spell drama for Rodger, but for all her L.A employees and it’s not too hard to see why.
With Rachel gone, her office turns into a playground with her employees running amuck with; throw back ‘photo’ Thursdays, snuggling on sexy fur rugs and mimicking their boss in parrot practice. With the exception of Kendall who remains glued to her chair because she keeps looking back at the camera knowing she is being filmed, the others totally forget that their every move is being documented and behave like they are at college a slumber party. Will someone tell me how I can get a job laying on a fur rug?
With apartment shopping underway Rodger is annoyed and Rachel is giddy with excitement. Apartment number 1 fails to please Rachel, which automatically pleases Rodger. Apartment number 2 however is amazing! It is two apartments combined as one with a 4000 square foot balcony/entertainment area. Rachel is in love and Rodger sees dollar signs $$$$$$$. Like every realtor’s dream Rachel jumps the gun and starts yelping she wants to make an offer. Rodger immediately wants to find a muzzle to put over his wife’s mouth. Back at the hotel Rachel has calmed down from her penthouse shopping spree – but only a little. Rachel still wants to make an offer. Rodger agrees that while it was an amazing place he can’t justify purchasing it unless they were to leave L.A and instead says that they need to manage their ventures more carefully. Rachel pouts and says that Rodger is ruining her dreams. The episode finishes with the bickersons in a headlock disagreement over NY penthouse apartment shopping.
Next week will the Zoe family become bi-coastal or will Rodger finally win a battle? Will the Colombian drug lord hairstyle stay or, even more shocking, will the Colombian drug lord go to work or instead opt for more lunchy-lunch man dates? And will Lauren and Marisa abandon their place on the fur rug before Queen Bee’s return?
Fancap Author: Gina P.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
