One of the original reality stars, Jessica Simpson, has just shed a remarkable 40lbs a mere four months after giving birth to her daughter Maxwell. While we want to congratulate her success, we also want to snark on it because, well, that's what we (and you by extension) do!
The Fashion Show hostess has been using Weight Watchers and exercise to shed the baby weight. She's not at her goal yet, but she's still working hard to achieve her pre-baby body. I'm sure she'll be getting a few nip, tucks, and lipos in secret!
Jessica reportedly earned more than $4M to diet, which makes me very sad. I can't even earn $4.00 to diet, although I guess I could save that money if I gave up my morning latte – which is pretty much the same thing. Right? No, no it's not.
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And although rumors have been circulating that Weight Watchers isn't too happy with her results (Jessica's first commercial for the brand only shows her face and shoulders) she insists it's working for her. "I'm 10 pounds away from my prebaby size!" she gushes.
Weight Watchers should have hired Kourtney Kardashian – Kris Jenner would have made sure Kourtney slimmed down if she had to perform the tummy tuck herself. After a few glasses of chadonnay, of course!
Anyway, below is Jessica's daily diet and work out plan – including Weight Watchers points! – courtesy of Us Weekly. Brace yourself – it's riveting… She should have just hired Gretchen Rossi to be in charge of her diet. Jessica would eat one ice cream sandwhich per week and that's it!
So, at 7 a.m. Jessica rouses after dreaming of cupcakes and mashed potatoes to a healthy breakfast of "half a Flatout flatbread sandwich with egg whites, peppers and fat-free cheddar (6 PointsPlus)." Maxwell eats the other half.
Then at 8a.m after googling how many points are in a frappucino and crying in front of the computer Jessica allows her father to strap her to a treadmill. At least that's what I believe happens. Jessica claims something completely different: She "straps on her pedometer and hits the streets with [Eric] Johnson and Maxwell. "
"I'm trying to do at least 14,000 steps a day," Jessica explains. Then she eats a light snack of berries, bananas, melon or grapefruit (0 PointsPlus). BOOORING! Around 8 a.m. I'm on my second cup of coffee and possibly some leftover pizza?
But WAIT! That's not Jessica's only exercise. Oh no! There's more. Four days a week, Jessica trains with Harley Pasternak for a 45-minute session.
She does a cardio warm-up followed by circuit times (which I originally read as "circus time") then some dumbbell extensions (seems apt) and some other stuff. Do we care? No we don't care. Can't they just say: 'Jessica works out a lot cause she has a full-time nanny, an unemployed fiance, and a team of servants to cook, clean, and wait on her hand and foot'
"Her waist is going in, and her thighs are growing smaller," her trainer elaborates, hoping this will boost him to Jillian Michaels status. Yay for miracle results!
Oh, oh! And on Wednesday, Jessica's mom gets the scale out and they weigh each other together. Bonding!!
At 1 p.m. after drooling in front of the pizza buffet at Peter Piper until they ask her to leave, Jessica returns home to make lunch and cry. "I make lunch my biggest meal to keep me full through the day," she shares. Jessica likes to eat fruit loops with pepsi, cheese bread, and double stuffed oreos "spinach salad with 4 ounces of chicken satay and pear (8 PointsPlus)."
At 2 p.m. it's more exercise. Next time I have a baby, I need to be famous. Then I can just sit around all day until it's time to exercise when someone will bring me the baby until I'm done. Dang – this is fabulous sounding! Anyway, back to stupid Jessica.
At 2, it's a "stroller walk with Maxwell, or hoof it at home on the treadmill watching 24." If she's extra good she gets a reward of a WW berry smoothie. (3 PointsPlus). She doesn't get very many points does she. Lame. No KFC for you!
And then dinner at 6:30p.m. Oh how thrilling. "Bathtime and bed for Maxwell, then dinner for Mom! It's often fish (4 ounces of halibut or tilapia) with roasted eggplant, broccoli or asparagus (6 PointsPlus). And for dessert? Skinny Cow chocolate truffle bars (3 PointsPlus)." She's in bed with The Client List by 10pm. Ok, I added the part about The Client List – I don't know if she watches that, but it's possible!
So, Wow. Jessica lives an exciting life. I'd rather hear about what Peaches Geldoff does post-baby. I mean, besides dump her kid out on the side-walk when her iPhone got in the way of watching the stroller. Winning!
[Photo Credit: WENN.com]
TELL US – ARE YOU SURPRISED BY HOW HARD JESSICA IS WORKING TO DIET? THOUGHTS ON HER DAILY FOOD INTAKE?
